I wish Michael J Fox could read me bedtime stories
He could rock you to sleep
i find it simply astounding you spelled drunken wrong but pterodactyl right
she wants me to meet her parents and she hasn't even met my penis yet.
just remind me when i get fired soon that august is the month i started pregaming work
As i lay in bed, clutching my face, i'm starting to believe your dick in my eye story.
It's been two days. My balls feel like watermelons.
This has been the biggest binge-drinking season of the decade.
And the clouds opened up and the sex gods said I hate you alfalfa
he was spitting whole peanuts projectile out of his mouth at the waitresses as they walked by and then yelled across the restaurant that he had "no problem kicking any of their asses"
Because if not I was going to quote Ryan Lochte as punishment
Thank god I got my shit together
Also, there's the possibility of falling 5 feet to your death to make it more exciting
In which case I will yell FIVE SECOND RULE and continue to slam you
He looks like he was the one that always had koolaid stains around his mouth as a kid, he can fuck off.
How long until you're healed?
Physically? A week or so. Emotionally? The scars of dislocating my knee at a frat and flashing my panties to the whole crowd wi never heal.
I'm sorry that you wanted to get laid and I all I did was play with your new cat instead.
It's only awkward the first ten minutes you realize it's not your house.
Randomize
