I just spent the last hour reading customer reviews on amazon.com for the book "it hurts when I poop." Send help.
Just bought a handle of vodka with the excuse of "just in case we drink tonight"
what's not responsible about a pool full of beer?
I'm having horrible flashbacks of being groped by Pauly Shore.
I'm having a staring contest with a raccoon.
Where the hell are you
He's winning.
Did you just buzz the apartment and throw shit at the window? Josh and rob came into my room and woke me up
Fuck you Ian. U owe me $3.65 cuz thasts what I thfrew at ur window trying to wake ur ass up. And fuck u for not giving a shit
I miss the days of selfishly blowing a load in the condom without her knowing and acting all like "we shouldn't do this" so she would get dressed and leave.
now that you've tased me I refuse to buy you flowers
Time for jim to play the "dont seriously consider pooping in the trash" game
Im coming down to miami this weekend
We shall drink from the everclear river
Also, did you really start discussing the weather in the middle of telling you my sexual fantasy about you?
Why do I feel like I need to drink to feel better about the things I do when I'm drunk
If I die here, tell my vagina and my cats that I'm sorry.
I'm driving to work hungover. I feel like I got hit by a train and then drank that train too.
eveytime i go to his house my cute clothes always get taken off what's the point of even wearing them there?
Randomize
