i hope kanye doesn't show up to patrick swayze's funeral. " i'll let you get back to your funeral in a minute...but michael jackson had the best death of the year. just sayinnn ".
The boys are giving me the exam answers and I don't even have to expose my body..yayy engineering!
the people going to church this morning while i was walking home did not seem as pleased as i was with how many beads i earned last night
haha I love it when I find out that girls who were mean to me in middle school are now some random dude's baby mama. thanks, facebook.
I got you a housewarming gift. It starts with "A" and ends with "bottle of Jameson"
you don't know what its like to have your bartender tell you that you owe him beer money infront of your mother at 3pm on a tuesday
studying for my Anatomy final and masturbating to Japanese porn are practically the same thing
Turns out that Irishman put my panties under his pillow afterward. Thanks?
She wanted to get out of there before you guys woke up so she wouldn't let me find my underwear. Lol So I apologize to whoever finds that in your room.
Ehh, the third backed out. Two still isn't bad. Who gets a bootycall to pick them up from a bootycall's house anyways? Only me.
one nice thing about being home: no walks of shame, just drives of shame
Jus had a dream that I borrowed bob dylans car to save us from a pack of raptors. Pretty stoked about it.
I’ve cut back on drinking and now my body can’t fight off all the bad germs without the alcohol. That’s why I keep getting sick
Just passed a girl holding a jar filled with what appeared to be diarrhea
On the brightside we know now that empty pringle cans are accepted at mcdonalds as cups.... Screw people who judged us, we saved a buck
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