I almost hooked up with this girl last night. she had a tattoo of a cardinal next to her cooter. said it reminded her of her grandpa
the best thing about tacos is after you shit them all out you feel like to have room for your dignity to come back
I have on cowboy boots and a ten gallon hat. I'd say I'm a little past tipsy
the girl next to me just texted someone in her phone named Optimus Prime
...i wonder what he did to earn that nickname
this is hardly the first time i've been told i'm dressed "too suggestively" for 7 in the morning.
I was on hold waiting for customer service at verizon so we obviously we had enough time to have sex, i just put the phone on speaker
I'm too tired to go all the way tonight, especially if you're going to quote Katy Perry at me during
seeing two hook-ups in tagged in the same picture will send chills down anyone's spine.
But life isn't just all about getting drunk & eating chicken strips.
She told me she was eating frosting, then I got the weirdest boner ever
It was close. I was the girl scoping out where all the garbage cans were located in the class just in case.
This is why you don't heavily drink before 2 midterms.
Just had to kick my 26 yr old boyfriend out of my bed before getting the kids up for school. Have I mentioned being 41 doesn't suck as much as all the hype.
I said "sucks to suck" to a cop last night. We've been snapchatting.
2015 is the year I FINALLY ALMOST had enough dick to satisfy me.
Oh dear. Sending much love.
Just send a machete.
Randomize
