I think thats the most anyones ever pregamed for rollerskating
Life lesson. Learning to pee left handed is easier than learning brickbreaker left handed. Rather lose a few drops than a few lives
My vagina has become a graveyard for my brother's friendships...
Please don't die.. At a gay bar... On a Wednesday. Obituaries are not allowed to be that entertaining.
He ended up letting us go, I think he just felt sorry for us. It's the only time that my night's gotten worse after I've taken my pants off.
Our dealer is pledging my frat. When he come to sell me weed I make him take out the garbage.
I'm afraid to text her because most of the time she just replies with "cockblock."
Watching frozen planet. There's a beach master sea lion with about 50 sea lion bitches fighting another sea lion for said bitches. It's a bloody battle. Dude. You have over 50. Share.
You were visibly distraught that my boyfriend and I didn't have sex in your bed. You forced us to take your condoms.
For future reference.... When you take a beer out of a 6pack... You don't insert your phone as a substitute.
This is your morning-after text courtesy of your very confused friend!! :) To discuss "what the hell were you trying to tell me last night," press 1. To laugh over your drunken antics, press 2. To pretend like none of it even happened (or to respond with concurrent confusion because you have no idea), press 3.
You made me take a photo of you under the stairs at the bar. "Look I'm Harry Potter."
I don't know what you're doing this morning, but obtaining Plan B is my number-one priority.
You took your pants and underwear off as soon as we got to Melissa's and just walked around the entire time like it was completely normal. We even ate pizza together with your vagina exposed. You're my hero.
But you''re still having sex with him. And a hobo convinced you to.
Randomize
