I just realized that my mother and I have the same favorite sex position, Guess which one!
OMG! Ew.
Lucky Dad.
So he thought it would be a nice gesture to show me his list of girls he fucked. There was 70. We then went through and put "V"'s next to all the ones that were virgins...
I'm sorry..where i come from learning how to exploit a wealthy middle aged man is a right of passage
The sex was so good, I called my ex during the 2nd time just so he could hear. Is that mean?
Thanks for stealing lime trees for me at 4:00 am. We're well on our way to having sustainable supplies for mojitos this summer.
just 'accidentally' changed my relationship status to 'in an open relationship' just to see what offers I might get if I were to dump him. it's not looking good
i don't care if its just a preseason game, my pick up a guy and suck him off in the bathroom skills are in midseason form
Blow job bear ended up in my bed last night. She didn't live up to her costume.
He shit in a sock dude, you can't come back from that
I FEEL like I celebrated someone's 21st, but really I just celebrated Tuesday.
On her way to bed she said, "If you have sex on the couch, just move my blanket" Needles to say, we moved the blanket
You kept purposefully giving me wrong directions, laughing, then yelling at me for taking directions from a drunk person.
Well I can cross 'get my dick slathered in coconut oil while watching the bob's burgers porn parody' off my bucket list.
I knew it was love when he told me he wants to see me have multiple orgasms in one night
There are only a few things more freaky than wandering around a zoo drunk.
Randomize
