How is your vagina???
Double booked
With your butt?
Totes, candlesticks and all
Yay!!
from now on, im only gona ahve sex with my boyfriend.
the people going to church this morning while i was walking home did not seem as pleased as i was with how many beads i earned last night
Why are my keys in the refrigerator?
You said "This is gonna really confuse me tomorrow." Apparently drunk you plays pranks on hungover you.
This explains so much.
I tried to explain to him that we just wanted a stereotypical black friend to be in our group. He didn't take it too well... Never take me to the bar again.
I wouldn't fuck her. Looks like her vagina smells like a seaside orgy.
You just kept screaming at everyone 'not to break your scarf' and doing somersaults
A little light bondage fun never hurt anybody (erotic asphyxiation excluded). Car batteries attached to reproductive organs have.
I threw up outside of a cab while waiting in a drive thru Mexican line while others who i don't know watched from their cars while they ate. Dinner and a show.
Idk who invented dominoes cheese steak pizza but I wanna lick their balls
Turns out the dorm toilet can't take a punch. Gonna be a long year without Mexican food.
The exact people you expect to find at a bar at 2pm are here. Come visit. We'd really like the company.
In retrospect, vomiting out of a moving vehicle on the third date should have been a deal breaker
YOUUUU FUCKING FURRYYYY
I DIDN'T COME HERE TO BE SLANDERED LIKE THIS
It's difficult when the romantic and the hedonist in me are fighting. I want him to respect me and hopefully pursue an actual relationship, but then I remember he fucks like a GOD and loves my kink. Oh, life's hard.
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