I'm too high to be shopping. I just contemplated deoderant for fifteen minutes. Now testing pillows
No, I'm only going to drink half my paycheck. That's the responsible thing to do.
I think the secretary can hear it when I fart in the bathroom, how do you think she feels about that?
Not too sure about the toy story pull ups. The kids point to their crotch all day and say woody.
So, we're going at it on the sink when a German kid walks in and starts brushing his teeth. I love hostel sex.
Just to give you a heads up, I am going home with your ex-boyfriend.... You can't be mad because he was my ex-boyfriend first
I'm confused about why you felt the need to ask me to buy you life alert for christmas at 3:28 this morning.
Her bed is on wheels, so we woke up in the kitchen.
I haven't been this unsober in a long time. I feel like I am observing myself. Like I am a test subject for alcohol. I wish my brain would shut up and let me be a normal drunk.
these are times I'm glad I'm Jewish because the Torah is just like "drink, eat, and fuck"
I don't remember, but I believe your goodnight phrase was "nice meeting you, thanks for not macing me"
I just want some dick and chicken fingers please advise
She was nothing like her profile said, we had nothing in common, and her picture mustve been like 30 pounds ago. But yeah we hooked up
I may have broke the toilet masturbating. On a positive note the floor is really clean now.
i'm not sure what you are doing right now, but i know that i don't like it. whatever you are doing. just stop. come here so we can fuck
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