Grinding on my ninth grade teacher. Dreams really do come true
He uses pillows to masturbate.
You remember correctly you did get a golf cart ride out but it wasnt because you were special. You were so smashed you were screaming tiger at random golfers in the middle of there backswing.
I was preparing to do my walk of shame shirtless, but then I found my sweater, wallet and keys neatly piled under a tree in the park.
I cant do that to my vagina yet. its my prize posession.
My dad got me a charm braclet....his way of trying to support my gayness....
Update: it wasn't just our driver. This ticket confirms that the Royal Oak PD also found our behavior on the party bus to be "Lewd and Indecent."
It was my little brother's 14th birthday today. Didn't know what to get him so I just showed him how to use incognito tabs on google chrome.
I am now being bribed with one orgasm per every meal I eat. This is the best anorexia therapy ever
I found one of your hair extensions on the dance floor. You put it back in your hair
Then he unzipped his pants and whispers, " oohhh, look out!"
The guy I hooked up with last night left me alone with his dog AND IT JUST SHIT ON THE FLOOR. WHAT DO I DO
Saw your dad at the bar last night... And again this morning when he left. Told you not to mess with me bitch.
I was just giving a mobile app demo to a client, on my iPhone, when a reminder alert appeared across the page blinking "12pm: go home and give John head". You're an asshole
Hahaha oops.
Am I the only person in the world that does not give a shit about the avengers?
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