You gave me the wrong number last night so I texted someone else something I definitely shouldn't have.
i just thanked the atm machine for giving me cash
I am at the gas station and there is a whole amish family here I'm not sure why the amish need gas but I think its worth investigating
i've lived in the woods for so long, as long as its post-op, i don't care.
I can't believe I'm wasting this thong on a guy in a sweater vest.
NExt question... Do i wanna sleep under my palm tree
YES.
apparently i told her i wouldn't press charges if she brought me food.
On my way home I stopped at target and bought beer and galoshes. I am a planner.
Boobs are also good for catching the vodka gummy bears that miss my mouth
No seriously, I don't care if you just sucked God's dick. I have had a better Fat Tuesday than you
well smoking weed has become a deal breaker for me so I pretty much use "let's go smoke a blunt" as an icebreaker
Denim handjobs are the worst handjobs. I hate all handjobs. Why do people even.
I'm about to turn myself in when I'm less hungover.
We were like one big happy Eskimo family.
I keep worrying the police are going to come looking for us.
For which one? Starting a fire on my porch or having sex on my porch?
Randomize
