Here's a fun fact your kittens ate my vomit last night
just to let you know coffee and vodka was a bad way to start the day
Confirm for me that it's be a bad idea to sleep with the 50 year old that's currently hitting on me?
Just had a flash back. Pretty sure i ate toilet paper last night.
Couple in the hotel room next to me keep fucking. When I hear her get close I call the room wait for them to stop and hang up. If I'm not getting any tonight then no one should.
I feel like I need to get a restraining order against him but I'd probably be the one to break it.
You need a Jiminy Cricket, but for sexual decisions.
She is wasted and this random lady got her to suckle milk from her tit
The cab driver is now flexing at a red light...
You know what it feels like? It feels like I'm in that prison from the dark knight rises. That's what being a virgin in college feels like.
I understand, but unless there is an intervention for me being planned, i DON NOT want to talk about my life choices
Well I met my booty call's parents by accident, so that happened.
I'm making poor life decisions again. Tune in tomorrow to see how much I hate life.
whatever bro. i had ice cream and whiskey for breakfast and its noon. this is the second worst christmas ever.
Three cans of beer can fit in the shower catty... multi tasking
Randomize
