Funny, my mom didn't get it when I said 'that's what she said' after she said 'it's so thick, it's impossible' in reference to my milkshake
Oh god. It's my first day here, I'm still drunk and somebody just drifted in a forklift. I'm going to die.
I was just given a safe word. It's going it be an interesting night.
I DONT WANT TO PLUS I THINK I FLUSHED MY KEYS DOWN THE TOILET WHILE I WAS PEEING
I hope to God 2011 is the year I stop loving tequila.
I will always remember today as the day I narrowly escaped having to touch a tiny penis
Your place is a magnet for either righteous parties or crippling alcohol dependency. Lets find out which together
We need to drink more. Just think how awesome it would be to wake up in a trailer and NOT remember how wee got here.
You kept saying "this bitch", mumbled incoherently for like 5 minutes, took a shot, and kept going.
It's amazing where one well timed dick pic can get you in life.
I need dunkaroos back in my life.
Remember when we used to smoke out of an apple at the playground? Those were some precious moments
I had sex in the tube at that same playground once. That park is full of memories.
I legit feel like I had sex with Joey Fatone. Is that weird?
My prof handed me back my essay on Lesbians in literature, gave me an A and then we had sex in her office. Told you she was gay.
A girl I had a drunken hook up with is on interventon right now
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