The things that come out of my body both amaze and disturb me.
yes we were fucking thats why i put "watching a movie" in quotations
then the nurse gave me a bag with my personal belongings: phone, wallet. jacket, keys and a BTB burrito
im at a party in sweatpants, slippers, and a basketball jersey from the eighth grade, 10 bucks says im still getting laid
there comes a time in a mans life when you ask yourself, will i fake love for blowjobs? and the answer is always yes
She gave me a bj in her parent's kitchen while I ate the rest of her mom's birthday cake. Fuck. Yes.
Passing out during sex is actually quite pleasant. its like being rocked to sleep with a penis
well I already know I'm going to hell, at this point it's really go big or go home
Hey I'm not sure why your jacket's covered in maple syrup but I just realized you didn't leave the house earlier wearing a jacket...
I wasn't half as drunk as u but u were saying u were a "worm" and u tried to slither out of my grasp
I'm in a corner eating carrots and drinking champagne. I've hit a new kind of low.
How is that low? I love carrots.
And your boyfriend doesn't mind you constantly taking pictures of his dick just to freak out your brother?
its more like he's accepted that he can't stop me
I just feel like I'm worth a little bit more than your recycled nudes...
He signed my ass with a Waffle House pen.
Don't come in. My door to my bathroom won't close because of the table and I'm pooping
Classy
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