Ah why did you tell everyone you dragged your sac across my face!
Wow i just got reported to security for being a homeless person trying to break into the library.
i seriously just saw a stripper from last weekend walk into the classroom next to me!!
she gave him a mild concussion from throwing him against the wall in an attempt to dance with him. gotta love monday nights at the sandbar.
And for 6 straight hours, I laid on my bedroom floor trying to convince myself it would perfectly acceptable to pee on my own floor
For the amount I put out, I should be going on way more dates.
the only reason i invite her is so when the guys start to hit on her i know it's time to take their keys
The woman exiting the men's room tried convincing me she was actually a good-looking man.
I can't remember where my feet are. All I can see are colors, and all I can feel is terror. The lollipop was a bad idea.
thank god we only have to drink eggnog and rum once a year. It taste like shit.
Hypothetically how does one go about throwing away a dildo?
DAMMIT Im supposed to be running a company not discussing dick piercings!
I knew it was on when all she had to say about the handcuffs was 'I really hope these adjust tighter!'
I'll only sleep there if we can bone on your balcony.
I might go bald with this hair pulling thing every night.
Randomize
