She's got an ass you could write the declaration of independence on in one line. Takes up three bar stools.
The guy at McDonald's just told us there is no flash photography allowed.
as nice as a boyfriend sounds, a relationship would require morals and self-restraint - both fields in which i lack.
momma always taught us never to change for a boy..
Doctor said I have sports induced asthma.
Call me old fashioned, but around here we call that "out of shape."
Ask her if said friend is decent looking or a wildabeast. Need to know if I need to top these 8 coronas off with a little tequila.
just when i thought i had forgotten how badthe sex was he comes across campus solely to say hi
Me ending up in the fetal position in my shower is becoming far too commonplace. It's like a weekly therapy session
Lol okay. He's gonna show up with like a trunk of sex toys. He's like the mary poppins of hotel fucking.
My text message history should be ashamed of itself right now.
This chick had a microhand. Fucking, like, jerking off a baby carrot would make it look like corn.
Winning the lottery was the best thing that ever happened to my penis.
Greatest pickup line ever: "We are out celebrating winning the lottery."
Well that's disappointing. I guess I'll give a lesson on dick-breaking another time then
He named his newborn baby after a character in the Hobbit and that is literally keeping me up at night.
There's a bull to ride and dancing on the bar is encouraged. This is my heaven. And this is why god made leopard tube tops.
Since when is my clitoris pierced?
Randomize
