Leaving terminator. dude in front of us leaving was wearing a baggy micael vick jersey, cargo shorts and brown crocs. God I hate people.
Practice the "sorry I may have given you herpes" conversation with me before I call him and break the news
If you stick your dick in my spaghetti, we're fighting.
I don't think you'd be able to understand Inception if you weren't high...
i should not be allowed to orgasm that much in one day.
Just found out they make medicinal lollipops, bought like 40 of them. Gonna go fill a pediatricians lollipop bowl.
You kept showing everyone at the bar your bra to prove it matched your shoes.
We can just keep having sex until one of us finds someone we actually like
cocks speak louder than words, as they say
Nobody says that.
When you get a chance, you should call Nick. He REEAAAALLLLLY wants to hear you make chewbacca noises.
I feel my soul being ripped out of my eye sockets
I vaguely recall putting a toaster in the freezer.
Yeah, you gave me a condom that I 100% coulda used, then an hour later you basically beat the shit out of me and physically took it from my pocket.
Some girl dressed in nothing but Wonder Woman underwear and a cape on her ass just started twerking all over us. Remind me why I'd never been to a midnight of Rocky horror before?
oh, he’s out of jail btw. as of about 6pm. one of his customers bonded him out apparently lol
Like he really got a coke fiend to bond him out?
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