i cvme to yuor rooom...wherer are youf?
please be gone before i get back
Put your dick on his face to wake him up, dont worry its fine.
I hope his life after cheating on me is as good as Tiger's golf game is these days.
I'm that hungover student in class ... On a wednesday morning
Omg I think I'm in the wrong class
I just explained it as we hate everyone in the world more then we hate each other. Thus making us friends. Plus we drink...a lot
I think drinking is the foundation of our friendship
How many stacks you been grindin gangsta?
omg mom no
It's so blood brotha crip what be good
I'm taking tokes in the bath tub, come if you want, I'm naked and you have to bring chicken nuggets or else you can't come in
I love you. We're gonna celebrate your 21st by putting people in duct tape bikinis and pushing them down tequila slip and slides
The look on the dr's face when she asked me the last time i had sex and i responded "like an hour and a half ago" ... priceless
I just wanna get drunk in a castle. Is that so much to ask?
I'm done being drunk I wish I could snap my fingers and be sober
I just set an alarm for 5 am tomorrow morning titled "Wake and Bake Its Christmas motherfucker"
Came home to butt plugs and dildos in the bathroom sink WTF
Spring cleaning
I only have sex with you to have a memory to masturbate to.
My Dachshund waddled into the room carrying a rolled-up pad in her mouth with period blood. This day is clearly off to a good start.
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