Life lesson #57: drinking whisky out of apples leads to threesomes.
No one goes out in public like that, unless they do anal
it's official, after last weekend my girl number is higher than my guy number. fix this.
We found her naked passed out on the bathroom floor. She didn't even make it to the shower. She was clutching the bathroom rug.
I'm going to superglue stuart's hands into socker boppers
I have a strict rule of what enters my vajay. It's either sparkly, or human. Anything else and I draw the line. Standards.
drunk grocery shopping was not as bad of an idea as i thought, this salmon cat food tastes a lot like tuna
We got really stoned and then we fucked. Then he made me a panini.
Oooh, he sounds pretty classy
Actually, not at all. We were stoned so he made me a peanut butter panini. With a Rollo in the middle of it. And he left the panini press on all night. I could have died.
Be my booze princess bebe. I'll rescue you from the lame tidings you are confined to up in the sober castle.
I mean seriously...It's like the universe is saying "your vagina is closed, move along"
Did I tell you about my dream that I got handed a $100 and my vagina dissolved it? I think it wants me to not be a whore anymore.
sorry for the late response. was in jail for 6 months.
I just realized I'm not wearing clothes. I think my pants may be in the kitchen but I have no idea where my shirt is. I'm kinda worried.
My hairdresser won’t do keratin treatments because of the toxins, but will put ecstasy up her butt at festivals...
Is it wrong to want to use the Dark Web to buy Vyvance for legitimate purposes?
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