Dude I got a text from you at 1:30 last night and you didn't use any vowels
Haha, I didn't want to buy any... we're in a recession you know
Did we have sex?
No you put the condom on then passed out on the bed so I left
you kept eating the heads off the gummy bears and screaming 'euthanized!'
Apparently I joined a band last night. Definitely my favorite blackout.
I just don't want to have to pretend at every family function she brings him to that he didn't hit on me first
She has a facebook friends list called oops. theres 33 people in it. she said its all the guys she regrets fucking.
Some guy stole lobsters by hiding them in his pants. We should strive to be like him.
it's 2:30 on a sunday and I just won a wine chugging contest. I'm never graduating.
WHAT THE FUCK JASON, WHY IS THERE A FREE BLOW JOBS BY LISA SIGN IN MY FRONT LAWN WITH MY PHONE NUMBER ON IT?! PEOPLE ARE PULLING INTO MY DRIVEWAY!
So lets not base feelings on vagina tingles
I only had ten dollars. So leave it to Katie to somehow makeout with the bartender, on his shift mind you, and get free drinks.
She gave me a can of steel reserve to pour on myself in the shower
You should just construct a mini-city, actually. Then destroy, photograph and post. Who could turn down a dick that conquered a whole city? Craigslist personals wont know what hit it.
I don't want to sleep with anyone. I just want a burrito
WHEN THE HELL DOES ANYTHING IN OUR LIVES *EVER* GO AS PLANNED???
Randomize
