Hurry. And bring back up. SHE WON'T STOP TALKING.
Things I've learned: after you move in with a girl it's much less satisfying to wipe your dick on her sheets after sex because now they're your sheets too
Getting too drunk for the hot dog vendor to serve me is possibly a sign of an alcohol problem. I threw up in the sewer grates next to his stand
I feel as though the word "tired" has become synonymous with "too high to manage the stairs" lately
I was gonna tell her, but there were too many tongues in my mouth
I think a van full of parolees just blew me kisses. Thoughts?
we were playing waterfall, then strip waterfall, then we were just listening to music, drinking, and slowly becoming more naked
Just got biofeeze on my vag. Weirdest sensation everrr. Can't decide if I want to cum or cry
How does she have a hairless cat and a husband it's not fair. Both are hard to come by
I just sent a bad sext to my sister. There's not even a way to damage control this, is there?
It's pretty telling that my resolutions all involve who I will sleep with in 2014.
It's important to play to your strengths.
You're like a human soul vacuum cleaner.
if jesus wore shoes made out of pure flavor and hurricane kicked u in the face thats how it feels to eat pizza bites right now
My freshman suitemate just walked into the kitchen to find my fuck buddy making chicken enchiladas without me anywhere to be found. Awkward or awesome?
Well, if I'm gonna go gay, it's gonna be for NPH
Randomize
