he just said he'd buy the porn
its a step up from the last guy
every time i wear that dress i get kicked out of a bar.
why are all my papers due the day after my potential hangover
Hahaahaah I keep finding little notes you left me on my physics notes... "TOO HIGH FOR BIRDS"
she cut her forehead open playing a drunken game of pin the tail on the donkey and now she's having a panic attack.
You can't just leave with hair like that
she's a nursing student, i didn't think vomit would freak her out so much
you puked ON HER
How do you delicately ask if your friend's dad was arrested for solicitation of prostitution?
Turns out he has a 6pack too. Alright adorable snapchatting manwhore dude, you win.
You were talking to yourself and eating cold cuts in the kitchen when I found you
Can you tell me why Star Wars Burlesque is pulled up on my phone from last night?
We didn't mean to put a petting zoo in the elevator.
I'm pathetic. I'm eating cream puffs in the bath and crying a little.
She's dancing around licking a fork of nutella. She is not sober.
So. Much. Porn.
Randomize
