Are you still giving blowjobs?
Who is this?
Was just explained ingredients in a four loko. Puzzles of the universe starting to piece together.
Climbing through a window thats four feet off the ground isnt the easiest thing when youre high, trust me.
Our sex has gotten so much better since we broke up.
I masterbate to the thought of you. You totally aren't just a booty call.
I DON'T WANT TO DEMONSTRATE MY DICK TAKING ABILITIES WITH MY MOM THERE.
I feel as though sleeping all day due to the effects of prescription painkillers paid for by union insurance made this the most American day ever for me
It's tough not drinking when the bartender adds rum to your coke without telling you, and doesn't charge you
She was pouring Goldschlager in my mouth during the shower sex. How can you NOT like her?
In my dream, you became a famous tap-dancer. Congratulations.
Well the good news is ill probably have my new boobs by the time he sees me naked
There's a super pregnant woman here complaining about back pain. I better not see a live birth in the hair care aisle
while on the topic of showers...why is there apple juice in our bathtub?
If youre worried about being stabbed, you probably shouldnt be there.
He's so drunk that he's ignoring me and just doing what my cat does.
Oh god he's trying to eat cat food... I don't know if I should stop him or continue laughing....
Randomize
