If a fat man falls in the shower and nobody is in the apartment, does his pride still hurt? Answer: yes
you think it's bad that I have four different guys toothbrushes in my bathroom?
vagina is talking i cant
Class is significantly more awkward when you know that your teacher knows what you look like with your legs behind your head... Just saying.
Why hello there Olivia! How are you today on this fine and most wonderful morning full of magic and adventure and awesomeness?
Someone just got laid.
After walking in on us in the living room, he still insisted that he slept in my bed with me afterwards.
What was your penis's nickname in high school? Also, what was it's theme song?
Just got a voicemail from a guy referring tp himself "as chest hair guy". If I'm coming home to a intervention I understand.
Listen. I don't care if its "nontoxic" im not putting it in my fucking vagina.
Look, the fact that I didn't kick him out and rip your clothes off speaks very highly of me.
I renamed his cat Jeff last night. Well I spray painted it on him.
When I woke up my bed had been moved to the middle of my living room, a hippie was spooning me on one side and a pile of cocaine on the other, did I go through a time warp or are we still in 2012?
You fell asleep on the toilet and he was like uh should I take her off?
Only I could turn my one night stands into class essays. Go me.
when I found u, u were using a t-shirt for pants
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