no morals, dignity, or self respect ... just an empty condom wrapper and a facebook request
I woke up with my 26er down my pants and a peice of paper stuck to my forehead with gum that said "tell it to the greek goddess beside me"
So he ended up having sex with me, but it was so awkward. When it was over, he went to the bathroom, and he came back and asked, "are you on your period or something? there's blood on my dick..." and i said, "well it was supposed to start today, nice surprise...i am so embarrassed." and he said ,"it's better than you queefing." and as soon as he said that, i queef the hardest and loudest i ever had.
my mom just texted me to let me know that Hooters is hiring
i wish my mom had big dreams like that for me
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I hurt. I blacked out in a onesie. Reevaluation needs to happen.
It was kind of like a train wreck, except alcohol would have improved the situation greatly.
I have to keep checking she's breathing. This is why we don't drink on Sundays
My professor just used the phrase "balls deep in your mind". My day is officially made.
I saw a guy do a line this morning in line to start the 5k, happy thanksgiving!
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
My logic for bringing him home was, he's in law school so odds are he wouldn't kill me.
You should help rebuild my confidence with your dick. Altruism: Pass it on.
I felt I lost my designated buddy on a field trip when you wandered off to get high with strangers.
Dude, naked camping ALWAYS takes precedence. I would skip my own funeral to go naked camping.
I'm hiding in my office refusing to turn the light on holding puke down stealing and shoveling down the meeting snacks and regretting my poor life choices. goldfish crackers are like crack to me right now. how is your day?
The covid immunization shot lady also sold me a mondo bag of really good pot.
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