We have had massive layoffs this year, yet the guy who cant flush his shit seems to still have a job
Ok I can't be your drugdealer AND booty call AND friend. It just doesn't work that way
Just found a hole in my wall with your left shoe in it.
Ps I don't think it counts as being open minded if you didn't know he was missing a leg until you had already started making out.
hey i found one of your nipple clamps under my couch, i miss you!
Just reduced mom to tears when she realized I wasn't kidding about hating kids. She's crying about never being a gma. Now would be the time to tell her about the girl you knocked up. You're welcome.
Feeling better?
I can stand long enough to do the dishes finally. Been trying that all day.
We fucked in my trunk while on the clock....what did you do at work today?
I feel sorry for the person who's phone number is 704-1776 cause from now on I'm giving that number to every guy I never wanna talk to again. Happy Independence Day
I used an emoji to tell him I was pregnant. I should feel bad about that, right?
you could be the only one getting laid right now....yet your sitting in here making goat noises
He started me on Celexa. I think I feel like Bjork. Is that normal?
Like... my feet feel like little octopuses, and they want to swim to the next room.
I just woke up and I don't really remember anything past 1pm. How much am I missing?
A good 10-11 hours. You got laid twice. Also, you out-ran a cop and played football with a lamp.
My face is going numb. I think it's time I call it quits
Found your bra in my backseat. And yes it took me that long to finally clean it out from last weekend
Didn't even know it was missing, if that makes you feel any better
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