I dint menn to makr ut w brtendr
Wat???
U lft me at bar, no cassh for cab, may have slept with bartender
I swear I have "I love assholes" written on my forehead with ink that only guys can see.
The girl I was getting head from just called my dick an anteater...I hate my parents for not cutting my cock tip off.
in hindsight, drinking 2 bottles of wine probably wasnt going to put me in an optimal position for a job interview
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I dont care how high you are, meat and sprinkles dont mix dude
this is a time for prayers...seriously
let us hold hands and pray.. sweet baby jesus please bring us some sweet sweet man loving this homecoming weekend to aid our lonely vaginas it has been a long couple of weeks amen.
Don't try to dry clothes in the microwave. They'll catch on fire.
Found a guy passed out on the coffee table with a thong duct taped from ear to ear.
If I come back tomorrow to find a certain football player tied up and locked in your closet, shit's gonna get real.
I'll set him free tomorrow morning ;)
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
We were destined to go to rehab together
i need some food
Holy shit I forgot about you stabbing him.
I had a dream that I had to take a breathalyzer but then it turned out to be a bong....why can't that be real life?
I'm in the ER bruh, I went skinny dipping last night and a cat fish bit my dick.
We didn't have a place to have sex. So we timed the automatic car wash & spent $9 for 3 minutes and 45 secs of car sex.
Why yes, I DID want cramps for Christmas, how did you know God?
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