happiness is walking an amphibious rodent on a leash
I had sex with him, and then he gave me a $5 Starbucks gift card. Totally worth it
They had a "who can aim further away from the toilet" contest. I'm now washing piss off my ceiling.
the plan is to continue having sex with all three of them until my birthday, and then once they've given me their presents, they can find out about each other.
Let's make a pact to never get in a cab at 3am together unless it's to go home or for pizza.
Also I may have a condom stuck inside me, but I won`t know til I check the couch coushions.
Still not exactly sure how i unbolted your toilet from the ground.
Second day of summer classes and i already got this girl to send me nudes during class
that is WHY your in summer classes
worth it
A man that refers to my vagina in third person is a man after my own heart.
Also. When I die, I'm gonna have them put me in the casket naked and then have an open casket funeral. That will be my last chance to make people uncomfortable.
This is the drunkest I've ever been at a chili's
I also know you puked in your shoe.
That would explain the note .... I apparently wrote myself an apology note from drunk to sober me .... saying "sorry for the fancy shoe soup" .... ugh I'll never drink again ...
Eating pizza in the bath tub while watching a romantic comedy alone. I reached a new level of single.
did i get sucker punched in the face last night or was our make-out session just that intense?
if i drink i'll go into liver failure but ok
totally worth it, dude its $1 pbr
Randomize
