She just asked to stimulate my prostate, man law requires you come pick me up
I apparently took a 45 minute shower, and became best friends with his mom.
I had to ask him for the scissors while I was in the shower. My hood piercing was stuck in my loofah.
So I cleaned out my gym bag. Found half a bottle of malibu.
You know, I could pretend I'm shocked but what's the use?
I think I'm getting too used to throwing up in the reception trash can. It doesn't even phase me anymore
Most sexually ambiguous night of my life. Kept switching from the NBA finals to the Tonys.
I'm being responsible and going as a gay, slutty Mormon missionary. It's responsible because I'll have a bike helmet on for when I fall over because I'm too shitfaced to stand upright. It's safer than Count Fagula. I just need to come up with a line equal or greater than "Blaaaa I want to suck your dick"
I really resent how she stayed home and ruined my plans to watch sci-fi and masturbate.
You went home with a man in a loincloth
I just watched him leave in half a loincloth. Don't you just love Halloween???
When she sees your dick for the first time, tell her it glows blue when orcs are close
That's just weird. That doesn't make sense sexually at all. I mean, you might as well tape a pen to the tip and try and write your name while you're at it.
It is officially settled in my mind that fuck the hot grad student is THE goal this year
So we broke my sobriety. Played life size childhood games. Broke into a cold hot tub and got laid. I think this is BFF quality!
I told her to not worry about it. Lone Star is an excellent first trimester beer.
Was he a virgin!? DID YOU TAKE A GUY'S VIRGINITY ON MY FLOOR!?
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