I just saw a hobo shake a payphone until it spat out a bunch of quarters. what a champ.
He just told me he would murder a thousand dolphins to be with me. Quite the charmer.
if i found out she had a dick after i got head, does that still make me gay?
Drinking wine. Reading twilight. On a Friday night. Biggest loser contest. First Place.
So about class tomorrow..... i,ll be there. But I may be still a bit drink and wearing a suit. I'll explain when I get there.
Just found the bucket list I wrote when I was high...somehow I dont think "jello swimming pool" is gonna happen.
What did you give her? She's trying to tape her wrists so her hands don't fall off.
she cried into her fur with two handfuls of money- she was the physical manifestation of white girl problems
Yeah like 200 white people came and they are playing that one Biggie Smalls song everyone knows.
I just saw him carrying his little sister while walking his puppy. And he was shirtless. I swear my ovaries just exploded
my taxi driver is listening to 50 shades of grey audiobook. this is uncomfortable.
I miss yesterday.Today's hangover makes yesterday's look like a little girl with blonde ringlets playing hopscotch in the street with a ginger kitten.
I wish I got like a congrats basket for being a responsible sexually active member of society complete with condoms, tissues and lollipops.
After pissing all over her van its a lot easier to look her in the eye than I thought.
If I slept with her my dick would come out glittery
coward.
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