god, you should never be in the FBI. you'd give away america's secrets to any boy who asked.
It took you an unbelievable amount of time to realize that your ass was on fire.
and you wish you could be eating a cookie right now. but all you get to eat is a penis
I found the bottle of ketchup and sobe you tried to hide in the middle of the lawn last night
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Sitting on the curb by new england comics with a weeping drunk girl who's eating french fries saying she'll never be as successful as her sister the hand model. She's scaring the nerds.
I was just laughing and almost crying after I orgasmed, and then almost crying because I was laughing so hard. That's new.
Does he think you're psycho?
Officially...... yes.
Partying with them is like having your dick stapled to your left nostril
I'm sorry, the person you're trying to reach is WAYYY too high to deal with this right now.
I wrote myself a letter, like I think drunk me wants to be pen pals or something
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I woke up in an ill fitting childs tutu this morning and the shower curtain is knocked down. Wtf happened?
Also you can't just sext a Michelle quote from Full House.
I haven't heard from him yet. He's either still asleep (which is entirely plausible..... There wasn't much sleeping happening last night) or he's robbing me blind. But I have renters insurance, so either way, I'm ok with it.
Its official. The summoning powers of my vagina are unmatched by anything in this world
I think I'm the first girl to break a bed with a guy, without even having sex with him while doing so.
Breakfast sounds amazing but can we do IHOP instead? I have to pick up a Plan B pill and there’s a CVS next to it
Randomize