I think I'm pregnant with his hipster baby. It keeps kicking my stomach to the beat of mgmt songs.
On the bright side, at least we arent the generation raised by fucked up teen moms.
The 9th floor RA wants to know why we stacked 21 cinder blocks in the shower, and I can't remember. Do you?
You remember the guy that busted in waving a tazer at everyone yelling "get the fuck outta my crib"?
yeah you don't forget that shit easily
We ended up crawling out from our hiding spot and playing pool with him once he calmed down. His name is Marcus. I got his email.
If i still have my costume on when i get home from the bar i am gonna be pissed
If you're not going to call the girls I bring around by name, at least don't call them by number. It's been cockblocking since girl #47. Dick.
I'd feel bad about being drunk at the Christmas service, except for the fact that I've already had sex in this church, so this is just small change.
smoked some of that legal weed last night, felt like God himself legit bent me over his knee and spanked my ass. Never again..never.
Living a little to me does not involve choreographed Michael Jackson songs
The sex is great, I just think it'd be better if we listened to Deftones during it.
i don't think fitbit tracks "flipping the fuck out" as activity.
I said I hate kids.This dude said he will sell his children to go on a date with me.
Met a beautiful Irishman two nights in a row. I may never come back.
He just took off his shirt. I'll text you later.
if I start to respond to these political texts with a middle finger emoji - do you think they will get the hint?
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