why is it that no matter what your novelty license plate says it always screams "im a huge tool"?
Remember how we wr so drunk last nite we cldnt find whr i shot my load? ...found some of it.
so the sex was amazing up until the point where she said "wow, you're even better than your dad!"
Best friends brother. Beat that.
It's not my fault I help girls realize they're lesbians.
I woke up to ritz crackers on the lawn, a keystone behind the hedge and puke on the rental car... i think that we have become that house...
I've fallen from my one moral pedestal
I can't believe I ever hated her sister or friends. They got her some sexy sexy ass lingerie for the honeymoon. I think I love them bitches
Yeah started playing at the wedding last night, when the line. "Ludacris fills cups like DD" he starts pointing at my tits right in front of his grandparents.
How do you clean human pee out of a carpet
Inconspicuously
All I know is if i get a free preview weekend of HBO then I am recording Kindergarten Cop.
He finger blasted me like an angel dude
He bedazzled a shirt for me that said "best head giver" should I be thankful for the gift or concerned that he has a bedazzler?
Is it something I'm going to want to hug you for or slap you for?
I guarantee you he will only fuck with old bitches from now on
Randomize
