I hope you get used to having plenty of sperm because you're never gonna get any.
It's almost summer. We need to start reconnecting with our home drug dealers.
I have only been in this city 3 nights and there are already 4 bars I can never go back to again.
Doubtful. That seems irresponsible. The 4th will kill you if you stopped drinking until then. Let's think logically.
he just used "boss" and "boner" in the same sentence. I cant respond.
uhh when the x-ray tec was moving your head you licked his hand and meowed.. i think he knew you weren't sober
Breaking up as roommates was a poor life decision. I'm sorry. Thank you for never shitting on the floor.
Did you just send me an ass picture with a quote from the lion king?
What are you gonna do about it?
I was basically just fingering myself and thinking about space.
YOU HAVE BEEN BAD TOUCHED BY THE LEPRECHAUN OF CHOICES
Hypothetically speaking how does one remove a lamp that they hypothetically superglued to the ceiling?
Acetone nail polish remover, and you lied about studying last night didn't you?
Oh definitely.
I'm naked on my couch and just ate a chip that was in my belly button.. my 20s have been weird.
He was really cute! And I know but it's just like getting my fix ya know? He's basically a human vibrator.
They both showed up at the same time... to surprise me. One had flowers and the other had chocolates. Needless to say, I will be at the bar all weekend long trying to figure out how this happens.
My Mormon mother just found a butt-plug in our AirBnB closet.
Randomize
