Can i come over
After you called me a desperate slut? No
Come over
I'm drinking reisling in a paper cup by myself in the garage.
His mom just described him as a manipulative, deceitful bastard -- oddly I still want him
you woke me up just to tell me that I was beautiful in every way possible. Then you proceeded to fall asleep with your mouth on my boob.
i just got drunk dialed and its 10am. clearly finals are over.
It reminded me of the time my mother gave my Bailey's in my stocking when I was 14.
My clothes are covered in blood and I feel like I drank a gallon of elephant cum...it's safe to say I'm hungover
Hey it happens. Think of it this way- you didn't wake up in jail, your face wasn't inexplicably busted and you still have all your teeth. In this group of friends, you're on top!
For sure shouldn't do homework after beers and joints. Just cited like 3 sentences at the end with (History, 2013)
Drove by a cop already pulling someone over and toasted him with my bong
It's 4 in the afternoon........
this is an emotional support booty call
It took him 15 minutes to put the condom on.
My dad is clearly baked off his ass. He almost sat on moms cat in front of her, zoned out while staring at it and said he wondered what it was thinking about. Now he's dragging everything from the livingroom into the garage. Moms not happy.
Well I told him I’ve got the flu....he said he’d wear a condom
Just find a separated / divorcing man. They’re too upset to fall in love, too helpless to be alone and too horny to think straight. Smile at him the right way and he’ll be thrilled to be with a sexy younger woman!
Randomize
