i just saw a girl w/ a shirt that said "im the single friend." yeah i bet u r. stop wearing shirts like that and that could change.
Accidentally just signed something at work 'lotus flower' I need to keep my stripper life separate from real life.
Oh, and for future reference, telling a guy that your ass is too tight for anal is like painting a bullseye on it.
I feel like I should come with a warning like "Orgasm free since 1983"
We followed the campus tour around in a golf cart drinking PBR and blasting "Sexual Healing."
At least I tried to be smart when I brought the alarm clock into the bathroom just in case I fell asleep.
That gas station is used for only two things, picking up moonshine and getting murdered. Only two outcomes.
My arms are hairy. And so Is my left leg. Just my left leg, the right is smooth.
Why do you need me to cover for work?
I wouldn't say NEED but lets just say I smell like guacamole and semen.
I would rather get explosive diarrhea at the aquarium than go home alone tonight
the only joy I get out of her anymore is hitting on her friends and ignoring her. it's chaos for them. like shaking a slutty ant farm
Life without a bra equals bliss.
You are a super loving wife. But did you, at any point since Thanksgiving, slip me half your bottle of stool softeners?
Did you really have to freak out and get up half way through to put the cat in the closet?
...
do nipples grow back?
Randomize
