I'm gunna smoke cigs today. I feel like I'm in that powerful and gritty mood which requires them
She said as long as i don't wake her up she doesn't care what hole i use.
Got yourself a keeper right there.
I think i just got paid for sex with a hot pocket... and i accepted
under NO circumstances is it acceptable to fist pump to taylor swift
This is stressing me out. I feel like I need to eat the dick.
Dude this deaf chick is totally hot, I just bought an apartment on boner ave
Sometimes I hate my life and then I remember I live in the WORLD CAPITAL OF RUM
Well once I told her I had a girlfriend she actually got more aggressive. Then Danielle called me and she saw the pic of the two of us on my phone and immediately said "can my caller I'd pic be me sitting on your face" wtf?
Wow, I just woke up in this conference with the woman beside me staring at me. This is what happens when hungover people sit in warm rooms...
if this uncomfortable exchange we're having is you trying to flirt with me i suggest you stop it before someone gets hurt
Sext: Bring me pancakes from the midnight breakfast gathering please
I'm running late...how do you explain period shits to your boss?
im gonna shove his purity ring down his throat
I'm covered in jizz and the toll booth lady knew it
It feels weird going to sleep without hugging the toilet goodnight
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