please tell me I'm in your upstairs bedroom. Just google mapped myself and I have no idea where I am.
The woman at walgreens tried to sell me clearance condoms with my fake eyelashes. Does it look like I get laid?
Any time you start making pro wrestling references before 10 PM I know that I'm breaking up a fight between you and some muscled up frat boy you call Hogan.
doing lines of blow through a tampon applicator in the study lounge at 7am so i can finish an italian composition that was due a week and a half ago...such a good student.
I guess at this point I should stop judging guys on their looks and more on their major and trust fund. Growing up sucks.
the boys love us. they call us "the stoner girl suite down the hall". not very inspired, but flattering nonetheless
Okay so my USC tutor just offered to eat me out. I think I'm definitely applying to USC.
Slutty summer 2013 has officially started. I did accidentally bite a dick though.
Just left a strip club where they let me on stage to teach them tricks. Time of my life!
can we just punch him in the dick and call it a victory for feminism
Your mission, should you decide to accept it, is to pick up rum, beer, and cigarettes. Your holiday will self-destruct if you ignore this message.
It's like the first time your mom catches you masturbating. We both know what she saw. We're just not talking about it...
I was going to text you that earlier, but I felt like before 10 was probably to early to bring up boners
Ps. I'm slapping the bag. It's an emergency.
I Never thought my late 30s would end up with me getting eaten out on a desk in the managers office of a lululemon, but I guess being a franchise owner has its perks!
Randomize
