it was a sick party until you insisted on putting on "that's how I beat shaq"
Threesome last night. Not that cool, you tend to pick a favorite.
I'm proud of our boobs and what they could potentially achieve in life.
We always say that. And then its 4am and someone is screaming at strippers.
Mango bong: no go. Guava bong: sweet flaming buddha it was delicious. I shall teach you the ways of tropical fruit trees.
The most humiliating part was that I farted while he was tasing me.
I gather from Facebook you got drunk last night and took semi naked pictures of yourself?
How are you feeling?
Hungover as shit. Someone just knocked on my window to make sure I was alive. I have been sleeping in the drivers seat for an hour parked outside my store. That is how okay I am.
I've been asked to reupholster their slam-couch so I found some off-cuts of medical-grade, hermetically sealed fabric. She'll be slammed upon for generations to come.
So that 100 days of sobriety thing I told you about last week? Lasted all of 4 days. Fuck it, life's too short
We were in his kitchen and she turned to me with a straight face and an avocado in her hand and said "Can we steal this?"
Also not to brag but I got high last night and got us a host family in a chateau in the south of France
I'm really proud of my unchallenged ability to convert boob guys into ass men
One three hour marathon fuck session and now she's divorcing her husband. Should I get business cards made?
So I'm buying milk, bread, yogurt & lube. Not awkward at all
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