'hiiiigh' is saved in my t9 for a reason
I decided to name my penis gatorade...is it in you?
A 14 year old with a teardrop tattoo just tried to sell me weed. I'm in the wrong fucking neighborhood.
Just had to have the guy at Sprint clear the dried cum out of the trackball on my Blackberry. Wonder if that happens to him often.
thankjk goddddn taco bell uis open htis lateee!
you do know it's eleven in the afternoon, right?
You were chewing up hot dogs and spitting them out
I SWALLOWED her nuva ring. Please tell me how your night could have been worse.
I sang Jenna happy bday in the middle of throw up hurls
Wanna hang out, and by hang out I mean go get plan B... and maybe lunch, but mostly plan b
i just came to a realization. Besides probably food, in my lifetime i think i have spent more money on legal fees than anything else
HE'S LICKING FROSTING OFF OF THE EIGHTEEN YEAR OLD BOY
We're taking a shot every time Landon Donovan takes a shot. It's clever, sort of.
I'm over being sad. I'm now onto thinking about all the ways in which he is a total fuckwaste
I was sleeping and woke up in the bathroom already puking like i slept walk. Perrrrrrfect.
Never going back to jail again. Only time in my life I've ever had a wet dream about jerking it...
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