I told him I was pregnant. Figured it would soften the blow of telling him I had herpes.
Did it?
Not as such, no.
At what point should shame kick in? Realising I had a one night stand with a man engaged or realising I am that man's wedding photographer?
Just beat 2 Norwegian women in beer pong. Never been so proud to be an American.
Briing, briiing- tricycle ridden. Where is my crown?
I don't know where I am and I feel like a hippo shat in my mouth. This sofa is comfy though.
Congratulations on your lack of fetus.
I just windexed my mirror headboard, Lets get to work.
He expects to fuck my tits but will ignore me in public.
It's funny to me the only time that you clean up is when your weed delivery man is on the way.
I'm pretty sure the girl in the stall next to me is waiting on me to leave so she can poop but I'm doing the same thing so it's like a Mexican standoff
I'm sorry that throwing up fish and Jamaican Rum in the back of your dad's car ruined our friendship
Dude he took a shit in the lake and it just floated around and lingered near our boat for 2 hours. I fucking hate that kid
Ever since I got to LA my dream self has been having sex with way too many rabbi's.
I mean that was the nicest way to be dumped by some one I wasn't dating.
I I was gonna wake him up with a blow job but I don't know how he would feel about it.
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