This is your Morning Wood Report: I have it.
So then I told him that only a restaurant managed by a florida fan could run out of ketchup
And then you gave the bride a high five and said "Go forth and Consummate."
i feel like our whole relationship was one big acid trip
This morning I learned I traded my sunglasses for a Big Lebowski sticker at the football game.
sick fucks of a feather flock together
That was like me applying to a law school drunk at 5 am
Hahaha. That's funny.
But I got an 18k dollar per year scholarship
You know you gotta reevaluate your life when the first thought that comes to mind after you wake up is 'at least I'm still alive'
You better be Eskimo Brother-ing the FUCK out of tonight right now. Long distance 'balls deep' high five
I accidentally walked in the wrong house but I somehow left with a chicken leg. Good fucking night.
Who shows up to work two weeks ago still drunk and freshly high on blow and gets a promotion and a raise? This girl. Good at business. Super good at being fucked up.
I'm putting his belongings the garage sale so he can buy his own stuff back. # divorced life. Thanks for cheating on me you tone deaf dick biscuit that'll be $20. Haha.
I'm disease and pregnancy free. This is an Easter for the books!
Why is it pressure? I want to see your cute face and possibly sit on it. You make it like its a bad thing.
I just used a coke ridden $20 bill to buy Girl Scout cookies
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