david just texted me. reply with photo of genitalia? y/n
I looked up to you, until I saw her walk out of your room.
The wedding was scheduled to start 5 min. ago. 20 people here so far, groomsmen in tees and jeans, catering by Costo. NO ONE OUR AGE IS READY FOR MARRIAGE!
Just wanted to let you know that I always win at "whose ex is crazier" because of you.
At this point, I really just need a sign in sheet for my vagina.
I started making breakfast to subdue the hangover and last of the shrooms and only got as far as eating a half frozen pierogi out of a dixie cup.
I was really excited when he said that condoms didn't fit him, then he added "they fall right off"...
I just wanted to share with you that my life has come to naked arts and crafts, to fix my flask, with a rum and coke in my hand... Good luck on your exam
Gotcha. Well, I'm puking and trying to keep down water from a mug that says "love the moment" around the rim. Not loving this particular moment.
There's a guy in here whose face looks like it would be perfect between my legs.
How am I so hungover that wearing sunglasses hurts my head?
And apparently i asked another younger guy at the bar if he wanted his bud light pumped straight into his vag. As i put back an irish car bomb...
She said I'm so hungry I could eat a dick and winked at me
I'm not entirely sure what happened last night, but I think I dislocated my kneecap during an epic Mario Kart battle...
just saw two mice fucking on our bed...i think its time to find a new place to live
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