dude i woke up to 20 missed calls from you, 3 from a blocked number and had 13 voicemails that all said "send me a picture of your tits."
so im guessing thats a no.....
Awww my brother is growing up soo fast!! He just gave me the, "I know you're high but I won't tell mom n dad" look!
sometimes when i'm walking through campus i wonder how many of these people have seen me puke
She transformed our coors light pitcher we stole from the bar into a fruit basket...
when i woke up this morning i blew my nose and ash came out.. i'm not sure what to make of this.
Hey is it bad when your boss leans over your desk and tells you "you smell like the Rainforest Cafe"??
the size of his penis is telling me NOOO! but his bank account is telling me YESSS!
This is probably the only time in my life I'm going to be able to say I'm going to the hospital too smoke weed and play Mario kart.
I woke up to him using my debit card to order PPV porn and Jimmy Johns. I don't even know his name.
But he found my shoe...that at least deserves a handjob.
I will be single by the day my lease is up (234 days). Plan accordingly.
what are you going as for halloween?
drunk, naked, & emotionally unstable
Living alone for four weeks has given me unrealistic expectations of pantslessness.
Yeah you were fine except for when you peed under the bar
Woke up in a fanny pack with a bag of cocaine on my cheek
Randomize
