Also, I'm sitting at a crosswalk watching two Mexican gangs fight each other. I miss you too. A lot.
I don't understand how he can't hear himself snoring, but he'll wake up to me sneaking m&m's from my junk food stash beside the bed...
in retrospect, i probably shouldn't have referred to his dick as "travel size"
Seriously. Doesn't matter if I went out last night, work is like crafts class w.a side of facebook
There are not one, but two women wearing my boxers on the couch right now. You need to wake the fuck up.
I heard from anne today. She has a broken collarbone and is knocked up. Apparently florida is awesome
Isiahs hammered. And just came in to get his skateboard and said he has to prove something. This can't end well
You didn't know it was a gay bar until the 7th guy rejected you. You were crying because you thought it was just a bad night. No more for you.
She was drunk and naked on our couch, sweating and masterbating to SNL. We made eye contact and she didn't even stop. It's new-roommate-o-clock
I woke up in a tutu and topless. How was your night?
Steve brought 6 joints and 2 bottles of makers mark, Josh shat himself in the pool, and Amy blew me. Hope that extra 3 dollars an hour for working overnights is still worth it.
IT IS EARTH DAY, RECORD STORE DAY, 4/20 EVE, AND SATURDAY ALL AT THE SAME TIME!
Asking me to suck on my nipples isn't going to make me less mad at you.
Is it illegal to hookup with your fathers god child?
They think I'm one of them. I'm about to get drunk in a Santa suit and bust down the door singing Christmas carols.
Randomize
