Look at my ENTIRE past
Highly public sexual behavior gross mismanagement of funds socially unaccpetable and radical speech and thought
Might as well have a blog about it at this point
How was your Memorial Day?
Don't remember... but I do have an American flag painted on my boob signed by a Staff Sargent... Oh God, I hope that's his military rank and not a nick name.
I want to make Jon&Kate babies with him. Not in quantity, but in percentage asian.
White Russians with skim milk. Fuck I'm healthy.
Anywhere you can eat green eggs and ham, you can have sex.
Guess who got arrested for public drunkiness, and called jimmy johns for the entire station last night instead of someone to bail me out? The cop that arrested me drove me home. Win.
she kicked me out for pissing in the recycling bin. I mean, is it really THAT big of a deal?
You make shower sex sound like waterboarding
The manager of the bar we were at the night before came to my house today giving me coupons. Apperently you and i won karaoke night which is a prize of 300 beer dollars. No idea what beer dollars means nor do i have any memory of doing karaoke but lets go back tonight.
i had to cut you off after you shoved a bunch of bottle caps in your mouth and pretended you had braces.
You convinced me that eggnog and rum is a great moisturizer.
someone who i have in my phone as thundercock just said he was DTF
Wake your sexy ass up. It's donut time.
i knew it was love when she pulled a beer out from between her boobs and offered it to me
So apparently I initiate sex in my sleep
Randomize
