Googled "can you put dry ice in your drink?" I'm safee
why didn't you say something constructive like "stop chugging that vodka"?
I just puked on my dog.I feel summer coming on
I just bedazzled my weight watchers points calculator. You can tell I'm gay.
Why do I have flashes of a dark shed in my memory?
Because we had sex in one.
I was just counting ceiling tiles when he ate me out, it was that bad.
Watching the tv in the reflection of my phone cause I'm too hungover to roll over.... Yes it is 4 PM...
I DO NOT KNOW WHO SHE IS, WE HAVE NO MORE FRUIT, SHE CAN'T STAY HERE.
Just thought you should know I'm having a reunion tour of Athens this weekend. Minus the weird guy I was fucking last time.
I have good news and bad news. Bad news, she's not in porn. Good news, I found porn.
I'm also sorry that I ate your chicken sandwich while you were throwing up....
I just got a girl to make out with me just by saying "get at me." Get at me
Is it tacky to frame a negative pregnancy test?
He’s 21. The president of his frat. I’m 28 and have a career!
Do it. It’s a noble position.
FYI there's a girl here with happy daddy written on her tits
Randomize
