I'm drunk in f*****g wisconsin and want to kill myself.
If it's any consolation, be grateful that you're not in New Jersey.
Three questions. How does a tomato drive a car, how does an asparagus play a guitar, and how am I still so high that I chose to watch Veggie Tales?
i just funneled a beer through a mask n snorkel.. can you check that off my bucket list..
Haha I wonder if my burp offended him. So I gave him a fist pump to signify how friendly I am
In the middle of blowin me she stoppped and told me how easy it would be to insert a catheter ..... Apparently she was a nursing major
Going to get yelled at but I labeled the reel "four dried up sluts decide going to the middle east to shop during a war is the best idea ever"
And we should impose a 'friends don't let friends order 25 shots at last call' rule
What are the signs of a concussion? Please don't freak out.
"lets watch the sunrise" turned into "lets have sex on the roof at six thirty in the morning"
True idk how my parents didn't know I was blackout. I ate like 4 pieces of cheesecake and showed my cousins my boobs
Someone has big plans this weekend. Just went to throw away the trash and saw packaging for 3 different vibrators on the top of the stack
Idk what was more embarassing, seeing her face when I finished, or seeing her roomates faces thru the door..
He drove me to my therapist appointment because I was too drunk to drive. Total keeper.
WHY ARE THE COPS ALWAYS AT DENNYS WHEN IMDRUNK!?
It should be perfectly legal to tase anyone not wearing a mask.
Randomize
