Booty call?
Dude you don't even follow my twitter
I had new employee orientation at the YMCA today. I showed up with a hangover, a black eye, scratches down my arm, and a sore throat from puking gin and keystone.
Should I be offended if he asked if he could use saran wrap to eat me out?
This girls a $30 bar tab from being bi
i wonder if she gts uncomfortable walkin bu when she knows we all know what her pussy tastes like
I mean, how many people can say they helped surgically remove something from their body? Other than the guy that got his hand stuck under a rock and cut it off. Doesn't count
I woke up with the Dorothy costume at my ankles, both sparkly red shoes on, and clutching ToTo....we're not in Kansas anymore, dude
He can only pee with the faucet running. It's like I'm dating a fucking toddler.
I like how zombie Abe Lincoln and hooking up with a girl were on your same thought process.
Was considering going to moonshine but I think I'm just gonna stay home and drink beer because there is no law against partial nudity here.
Omphalophobia is a real thing. don't ever fucking touch my belly button again dude
A+ Viking dick
We are gonna play a game I like to call what the fuck is in my pocket
I just gave a fucking twenty minute blowiob.. I'm a GOOD girlfriend.
I'm gonna make out with this 38 yr old. Mark my words. I don't even have daddy issues.
Randomize
