Mel Gibson is dating a 24 year old
You're not Mel Gibson and I'm not 24.
xbox live and facebook are tricking me into believing I actually have an active social life
So then I sent a pic msg of the Magnum XL box to her friend
Wow, you know I need to stop drinking alone when I pour my drink into my hand and offer it to my dog,
I just threw up and a whole piece of spaghetti came out of my nose. I don't even remember eating spaghetti.
Eating doritas dunked in queso con salas. Salllas. Salska. Salsa. Got it. Shhiitt. Salsa con queso. That's better. I'm hot pink socks.
So one buddy got tackled at the urinals by national guard members and was arrested. Another had sex in a port o potty with possibly the drunkest girl I've ever encountered. The rest of us blacked out and won a few bets. So yes, the derby did meet our expectations.
One of us needs to be functional tomorrow and it won't be me. I'm drinking liquor out of a fishbowl.
Were making a bet for which twin will relapse while in rehab. I'm going for the chubbier one
I could end up kidnapped. Or worse, the night will be really awkward.
Just got walked in on while fucking in the lounge in the performing arts building. The janitors gave us five minutes to leave and applauded our exit
I was scared I had HIV after last time so I'm not gonna do it again
But he was really hot
Glad you don't have HIV
Well it's like a wise man once told me: "If you're going to shave your balls, don't do it hungover."
Kyle found me outside his apartment in the hallway. Said he didn't hear me knock bt smelled alcohol through the door. I'm sucha bitch to my liver
Btw. I have a sinus infection from doing cocaine in a portapotty at a Duran Duran concert. So, gimme a couple of days before y'all start the party.
Randomize
