If a fat man falls in the shower and nobody is in the apartment, does his pride still hurt? Answer: yes
I love him more than I love myself. Which is a lot...Because I'm narcissistic.
Now that world cup is done, funneling out of a vuvuzela has lost its fun
First night in the new apartment. There are 12 people here i don't know, Tequila, and a crying girl locked in our bathroom. I think the apartment christening is complete.
Its only tuesday and I need a dd home from work. This is getting too easy.
So....maintenance found the bullethole.....
how did the keg end up in the top bunk?
We were sitting in my backseat and he just kept biting me and telling me we weren't at the zoo...
I'm sitting at my desk looking through our payroll system photos to find my next boyfriend. Abuse of power or awesome?
my night ended with a pity blow in a racecar bed
Getting my nails done with Diana... I'm going for the keep your friends close and the girl who's dating the guy you want to fuck closer
For sure. I'm slow cooking a 6 pound pork shoulder wrapped in bacon. If that doesn't scream "guys I'm going into culinary arts lets get drunk" I'm not sure what does.
99% of the contents of my handbag are ketchup packets and condoms. I feel that says a lot about me as a person.
Not gonna lie I just got drunk and started doing applications because I know I'm going into work tomorrow still drunk
I JUST PETTED A FUCKING SQUIRREL. A SQUIRREL.
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