It was amazing what she could do with her one good arm.
oh, and bring over your fire extinguisher. we're gonna get the mailman again
She just used a chaser for red wine.
Still waiting. He said he'd call between 2 and 10... apparently he's like the Comcast of drug dealers.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Apparently riding the dog like its a small horse is frowned upon in this establishment
sorry can't make it tonight, greg's getting back from italy. he's had two weeks of carbs and no gym; now's my chance to get myself a piece of that newly-fat, low self-esteemed ass.
Show him your tits if he says no
They're not help-me-out-of-jams tits. They're I-fake-people-into-thinking-they-look-good tits.
Close. The correct answer is shitting in a public toilet. We also would have accepted the pit of despair.
as soon as I stop standing here with one leg up on my bathroom counter admiring my balls, I'm going to go tan. and then you may come over.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
She is sending me pics of her sex faces...which totally counts as sexting in my book
Hey. My eyes swollen shut and I can't find my shoes. How was your night?
Is a coke binge Whole30 approved?
I'm reading 50 shades of grey and masturbating while he's doing insulation downstairs. Maybe I can get him to bring me a sandwich
Can you get the dildos out of the shower before the maids come?
I could see the visible disappointment when she saw my penis
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