Ok I love you more. To infumty and beyong.
fuck dude i blacked out on a tuesday. what am i doing with my life?
Winning.
I woke up this morning with 2 australian chicks passed out in my living room, a whole bunch of coke on my kitchen counter and I have no idea how the fuck either thing got there
Is it a problem that I find my wife's 16 year old niece sexy?
i just funneled a beer through a mask n snorkel.. can you check that off my bucket list..
It's an open bar on a yacht... I'm going to drown.
He wanted to put Kesha on after he came in my mouth. I had to draw some sort of trashy, gay line.
Succesfully slept on the roof at work for 3.5 hours without getting caught. I need a promotion
Just so we're clear. I'm still making jello shots and bringing them to the bar in my purse. I don't care if its half off margaritas. Don't want anyone thirsty
Why doesn't the washer have a puke setting?
Actually let's just focus our energy on not getting committed to a psych ward.
There was so much jailbait at the festival that there was no other option but to drink my morals away
Can we just get drunk and watch the Birdcage please I have no tolerance for straight men today
Amazon is not showing any promising results for penis tree toppers and I am genuinely surprised. Clearly this is a market that needs to be addressed.
I just bought a handle of tequila and a breakfast burrito. I might be out of money for the weekend, but at least I have the necessities covered.
Randomize
