My cock was attacked by outdoor plants
Sam Adams makes it so easy to keep track of the seasons.
Puked in a plastic neiman Marcus bag while driving. My biggest accomplishment yet
Last night I dreamed I was having gay sex in prison. That's the last time we go to theme night at the club.
i forgot beer had calories. that would explain alot.
You were in the garage half naked counting your ribs and talking about how you had too many
I've banged too many servicemen's wives to still be considered an American.
Dude's from Puerto Rico. Majoring in Spanish is like us majoring in drinking with a minor in watching Forgetting Sarah Marshall.
We need to get sombreros so I can give them to strippers.
"Home for the holidays" isn't clearance to fuck the recently 18 year old high schooler right?
Nope, his last birthday was.
The Angel on my shoulder is now resorting to merely reminding me that, "You will regret this later." I'm not sure if he's learning how I think or just giving up. Either way, should make life a bit more interesting.
Yea I saw a friend of yours carrying your limp body somewhere
Hey I'm sorry for head butting you last night. Personally I thought it was funny at the time, but I can see how from your perspective it may not have been as enjoyable for you... Hope your lip is okay.
I did all i could do but i woke up smelling like cigars and theres salsa all over my face
We watched Purple Rain and then proceeded to have sex while listening to the album. If that's not exactly how Prince would want people to honor him, I don't know what is
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