apparently it's okay for him to stick his dick in my mouth but not to let me have a can of diet pepsi for the road.
I'm totally counting that party when he kept putting his hands down my pants as a date.
she was dressed as a doctor claiming that after she was done i would have a "permaboner"
I probably shouldn't have slept with him. I feel like that may have given him the wrong idea.
just saw a couple drunkenly stumble over to the family planning aisle of Walgreens. inspiring.
there's a guy looking for his pants in my room, is he yours?
i could have sworn she did an overextended split with her legs over her head but now i think it was just the drugs
That girl that gave me a blowjob, I think I fired her last year.
the only consolation to the fact that i puked in public today was that i did it down a storm drain... so at least i am a responsible public puker
Were playing beruit winners pelt losers with eggs
We will walk in fields of dick.
You seriously need to stop quoting those songs when i'm with my parents.
WHY IS THERE A FUCKING DILDO IN PLACE OF MY GEAR SHIFTER IN MY CAR?
Just bought plan b at 8am. Then the cashier asked if I wanted to donate to the children's miracle network. Fml
Well I hate to admit it but at this point I can successfully say i have been pee'd on by both of my roommates.
Just paid for birth control in all ones do you think she is judging me?
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