No she wasnt mad! I told her that I "mis-remembered" nailing her friend.
singing on the bus should be illegal
huh?
There's a group of like 8 white people in the back of the bus harmonizing to sugar we're going down
This girl looks like a mixture of kathy griffin and bill walton. i havent decided if that is a good thing.
My chemistry professor just asked me if I ever found a ride home from the bar last Saturday
At least it earned you a couple drinks. And something tells me you've touched grosser things with less incentive.
Just bought an airhorn. Bad things will happen.
You can't possibly imagine how much I miss you. At least I'll always have that hidden folder in my computer.
Time for jim to play the "dont seriously consider pooping in the trash" game
If I don't get my shit together, I'm going to be one of those really fucked up cases on 1000 ways to die
Were you drinking last night?
Because typically I don't associate the phrase 'Go sleepy time' with sobriety.
Fun Fact: I do not remember what its like to be sober between drinking off and on for two weeks at my "vacation" and being on painkillers for my mouth now
it's ok, no one ever died fom being sticky.
i've gotta research that and get back to you.
I was chasing disarono with Bacardi and watching ice cube movies. It would have been an epic birthday if I wasn't by myself and actually had some decent friends.. Hint. Asshole.
The true debate: do I prioritize going to bed and getting more than six hours of sleep or do I prioritize washing out various grease, leaf bits, and jizz out of my hair
Im sober enough to understand what people are saying but drunk enough to understand its hilarious
Randomize
