You know why I moved here? No public intoxication law. A cop just helped me from my bent over vomit pose, asked if I was ok, and gave me a ride home.
using smirnoff bottles as a pillow actually isnt as uncomfortable as you would think
The swelling on my elbow and tongue means I may have cockblocked myself.
Don't ask me how or why, but I'm drunk with German diplomats. Come over. Now
It took me 3 tries to get up the front steps. They kept me motivated by waving taco bell just out of my reach. Surprisingly effective.
Am I really that girl who walks around half naked wearing a cowboy hat begging for liquor at some random guys house
Whenever I'm hungover I try to stay in public as much as possible, hoping to be a cautionary tale to children. It's a public service, really.
I don't question myself. That's what I have you for.
I'm honored.
he walked up looked at my boobs then looked at my eyes then looked at my boobs again smiled and said "can I get you and the girls a shot "
I'm scared because his knowledge of star trek is turning me on
Don't worry dude, I've created a sex logic bomb to stop that sort of thing.
Ate his Chinese food and drank his beer and played with his chihuahua. All while wrapped in a towel while he was sleep.
Hey, before I head out, whats your policy on casual drug use and one night stands?
I'm at the gym. I've taken enough caffeine to feel inspired to be a low budget instagram fitness model. I totally forgot my push up bra though
What part of the grouping of the words "anal beads" confuses you?
Randomize
