I thought smoking would make her look better, but all it did was enlighten me to her snaggletooth
Sounds like a blessing in disguise
I need ur penis! This is not drunk texting, either! This is I need ur penis texting. There IS a difference!
did you seriously make the punch out of vodka and food coloring
she showed up with nothing but olive garden breadsticks in her purse.
Don't let the fact that shes seen my penis discourage you
I told her that if she blew me I would give her the empty pizza box in the fridge.... Why did she agree?
This is probably the only time in my life I'm going to be able to say I'm going to the hospital too smoke weed and play Mario kart.
I couldn't find pants for like 20 minutes so I was butt ass naked just sitting on your floor
That was the second worst thing to happen to my asshole.
I want to have sex with Will Smith. I guess I have a thing with 90s sitcom stars. Stamos, Joey Lawrence, John Goodman.
Someone needs to fuck me in my slutty pumpkin costume and I would ideally like it to be you
That moment when you sit down to shit and someone is watching porn on the other side of the wall.
If they start to date again I refuse to help her sext him. Helping my mom sext my dad is where I draw the line.
for future reference, singing eye of the tiger outside my door while i am having sex makes me incredibly uncomfortable
apparently not uncomfortable enough for you to stop
I went to the nurse and she literally told me I was too sexually active and wrote me a prescription for 7 days of pelvic rest...... Hahahhahaha
Randomize
