There is no way to make a throwing up smiley so just picture it....
i just ordered an al pacino with double mocha at starbucks.. i'm waiting to see how long it takes the chick to realize what i said.
For real. Like, if I ever had to choose a last meal, I would just choose to get high and eat whatever was around.
there needs to be a build-a-bong store...
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my mom hid the smirnoff from me. this is the most fucked up game of hide and seek EVER
Somehow I gave him blood blisters on his dick...I don't know if I'm that good or that bad.
She's gonna be fat in the future. On a side note I had a "It's not you, it's me." conversation with a bottle of jack last night.
Can we please not be like these pathetic people in their thirties who only get drunk when they go see Sherrill Crow?
Just read my long term horoscope. I'm not gonna get laid for another 2 years.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
The shit show didn't end. it just relocated itself to my apartment instead of yours.
you also need to get my treadmill fixed.
Tell Taylor to rock on. Tell her she is so beautiful that the sun shines down on her face and shows her beauty. Tell her to live on, like Martin Luther King. He'll never die. He's living his dreams.
You want to know how I feel? I feel like Cady Heron pushed me in front of a bus last night.
I bought a box of wine on my way home. I figured if I’m going to be broke during the holidays, I might as well be able to drink about it.
30-degree weather + Metal Cockring Monday = really hard to pee.
I apologize that you just fell victim to my random thought of how to make a blow job come to life via emojis.
Randomize