So bad night, ended up beating off to porn and eating Keebler elf cookies.... at the same time :-(
Just found out my brother beats off to Lauren Conrad. the Hills will never be the same.
at that time a 4 pound meatball stuffed with pizza rolls seemed more important than bailing you out of jail.... sorry.
I'm silent, like a masturbating ninja.
You couldn't find your shoe so you introduced yourself as Cinderella for the rest of the night.
Ahh that explains the text from creepy mike saying he would be my prince charming.
So, just in case you go to the bathroom in the middle of the night.. Sam is asleep in the first stall.
in other news, i feel like i just shat out all my sins.
I lied. Can't workout today. Only exercises I'm currently capable of doing are breathing ones to keep last night's drinks ending up all over the classroom.
Shut the fuck up. It's not the end of the world. Now come get your asshole bleached with me or we're not roommates anymore.
And for the record I didn't even have sex last night. I threw up in his toilet and slept in his bed until noon
Am I under any obligation to let my new fuck buddy know I slept with his little sister?
He got me to hold his phone, wallet, keys and pants while he hooked up with another girl.
Bitch I slept on the ground 2 nights running
The guy like flippppped out and made me pay $15 for a car wash. I thought I was being extremely courteous by making sure to puke outside the window
the sex is SO much better when he thinks im going insane
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