bubblegum was invented today. we're getting drunk. end of story.
Somewhere at this very moment, a group of drunk white girls are singing dont stop believing.
the last thing i remember is ordering pitchers of white russians....
we took shots then she made me eat a dill pickle with cream cheese wrapped in a piece of turkey.
Make this decision based on your love for dick - NOT based on the fact that its probably one of the worst things you've ever thought of doing
If eating a cheesesteak naked doesn't make me feel better, then I don't know what will.
How was the birthday sex?
Shit got outta hand. Honestly I think even my STDs have STDs.
In my next life I better get to be a bird. Fuck flying. I'm gonna shit on your car. Every. Day.
Now I have to set an alarm for less than 6 hours from now to wake her up, get her showered and get her to her first day of tutoring a kid from her church. WTF is my life?
I need to see you idiots before I go back to school. But we shouldn't snort Crown Royal this time.
Do you ever get high and look at your cat and feel like you know them on an intellectual level?
I'm naked in a forest ranger station right now
I can show you the world. Shining, splimbering vaginaaaaaaaaaaaaaaa
I take Paypal, cash, sexual favors, and roasted red potatoes with garlic as payment. You choose.
i opened the door and you were passed out on my doorstep wearing ugly shorts and cuddling a pinnapple, i dont know what happened to you.
Randomize
