then i got kicked out of the bar for trying to pay my $30 bar tab in sacajawea dollar coins
i'm surrounded by gay midgets. not sure if i'm bragging or asking you to come rescue me. wait for follow up.
well isn't that the pot calling the kettle a make out whore
life is no where near the amusement park it was when I was on Vicodin.
He said and I quote "Had to beat one off in the Burger King bathroom before I went over." Thats somebody that takes pride in his work.
You put me in such a good mood with that road head, I bought everyone at Hooters donuts.
He seems like a super lonely dude. I bet if I gave him a picture of my tits he wouldn't make me turn in this paper.
I'm so hungover I just peed on my hand and left it, didn't wash... Killin it in 2915
my bed is a shrine, and I am its goddess.
You gonna smoke this blunt? Or are you gonna keep doing Kung-fu in my kitchen?
FUCK YOU IM DRINKING WINE FROM A BOX
You okay there or need a ride? Maybe a straw for your box
Maybe a straw...
I was walking out of the bar when he said I'll see you later and I said I'll see you in my dreams and then fell face first and broke my nose
Wanna go on a picnic?
... by picnic I mean wanna sit on a blanket and drink with me?
Its weird to introduce me to his wife and kids on the first date, right?
I just found your shirt hanging in a tree 4 blocks from the party...in the opposite direction of your house. where are you going?
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