you are hot. that is all.
who is this?
the delivery driver from silvermine.
I got 70 on my final, or put differently, I got a "still graduating" on my final.
this guy had a colored tattoo of Chucky on his leg, whatever drugs he does, i want them
he told me that my best friend was "one the most attractive people he's ever seen" and wondered why he didn't get a blow job
Apparently I told the bartender to stop putting ice in my drink because it was taking up too much room
I love that your last three texts to me were "Drunk." "Getting laid." "In the hospital."
Either I'm deep cleaning my apartment out of severe academic procrastination or I'm subconsciously nesting and need to take a pregnancy test.
I now own a bag of cigarettes and have no purse, awesome
My dick was almost in plain McDonald's sight
I was like wtf you can warn a girl like hey I have a huge dick and I fuck for hours
Someone google feeding your vagina Advil and Neosporin
I may quit my job to go be a costumed Jedi at Disneyland.
How high were you when you left that message, cause you made honest-to-God, credible seal noises.
I'm disgusted with myself. Who goes down on their Uber driver? This asshole
Oh god it's open bar.
Well the cops were called after the kid fell, but we saw 4 cute guys from our window while it was going down, so it wasn't all that bad.
Randomize
