I love you!
You're insane
Fuckin crazy man! Seriously though I think if you would have me I honestly seriously think about marrying u!
Alright now lets video chat so I can xshow u my dick! Hahahaha
Wanna demo a makeout? Check box yes or no. Or maybe. Okay bye.
we couldnt find her phone in the morning so i called it and found it under the bed. my name came up as 'regret'
she needs to learn to take compliments like she takes dicks.
He about cried when I ordered pizza online. He said it was a miracle.
Cause i'm hanging over the toilet bowl and thinking about your ball in my mouth is not helping
My ex just called and told me that he is on his way to the hospital because he popped a vein in his dick. Should I go to the ER with him or class?
Couldn't get it up. She asked me what she was doing wrong. Didn't have the heart to tell her. I appreciated her willingness to adapt, but she's pretty much gonna look that bad her whole life.
I don't know but someone, somewhere gave someone a hand job and someone else was pissed about it...
And then he said "if you were planning on bird feeding me that's not ok"
Laziness has hit a new level. I'm out of clean sexy underwear and meeting a boy tonight so I'm having a thong delivered via post mates.
Me-World Problems: do I have my boyfriend come to my birthday party in drag, or is that too weird for the first time meeting literally any of my friends
His truck was very sexy. Unfortunately, shortly thereafter, I discovered that the whole overcompensating thing is very true...
Is texting an old booty call with "can you still get your ankles behind your ears?" an appropriate way to reemerge into the singles scene???
He passed out in my car.
What's the problem?
HE'S STILL IN MY FUCKING CAR.
Randomize
