I look like Roseanne just got in a bar fight with Rosie O'Donnell.
So he says "lean over this" which is a chain across the doorway, held into the wall with bolts. I do. Then he puts his weight on top of me to try and get it in.
It breaks. We fall.
I now have a broken nose, a concussion, and an infected, split lip. Why do I have the worst luck in guys?
Tampa is so boring. I'm dying. I want lots of cleavage at my funeral. If i cant get laid, i want my friends to. I'm that kind of person
and you wish you could be eating a cookie right now. but all you get to eat is a penis
I've decided, even as much fun as it sounds, I don't care for his sodomy box.
some gay kid said he wanted to blow him because "his eyebrows told a story"
I wasn't hungover this morning. My head just hurt because someone tried to suction cup a dildo to my forehead.
I don't know what's happening. Everyone is wearing beaks.
After she lost the bet I made her get on one knee so she could "Te-blow me"
I hooked up with a guy dressed as Justin Timberlake, while dressed as Britney Spears. Fuck Jessica Biel, all my 90's dreams are coming true.
Donald Trump and I would be so adorably orange together!
Don't do shots out of Tostitos scoops.
he told me he had a gf and in the very next sentence asked if I wanted to have sex.
Decided to stay in tonight. Completely sober. Just got two drunken booty calls within 5 minutes of each other. This is my life.
He jerked off some dude with a slice of Wonder Bread.
The sports guy?
Yeah. They claimed the bread made it hetero
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