Instead of peeing my cute lil blue panties I peed in the train parking lot in front of an asian.
I ate one of your animal crackers. just one. ok four. but no frosting. ok frosting.
That bus ride was like a tour of all the bushes I puked behind last night
I just deleted all the drug dealers from my phone, I guess this is growing up
I just realized that I'm gonna have to lower my standards if I want random head.
She said she didn't want me watching her give me a bj, so she proceeded to make a "blowjob igloo" out of blankets...
Without me, you would never be able to say you partied with a midget!
She got a digital picture frame for her birthday. FINALLY - a place for me to sneak all those penis shots I've taken with my iPhone.
I don't think of it as I'm taking a pole dancing class...its more like I'm making myself recession proof
He kept calling my vagina a magic clam, and it was speaking to him, telling him to feed it his penis. I played along.
His IQ level must rival that of a comatosed aardvark.
Someone who makes you cum so hard that you have an asthma attack is clearly your soulmate
I had to explain to the doctor why I'm peeing blood. He still didn't believe a girl would have that much sex... You could feel the judgement forming in the room when I went into the details...
Damn, well a girls gotta get laid too
Sorry for face licking, I probably won't do it again.
Also, I love cats. I sat on the floor and they sat with me.
Somehow I don't think offering me edibles is what dad meant by checking in on me
They're the hard candy kind!
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