you're like a bully in the Christmas story
i just watched my husband get a prostate exam. sex is ruined for me.
Ok so the guy below me is either having sex very loudly or is very lonely
I was pretty stoned. I thought I needed a seatbelt at the restaurant.
I feel that shower jager is exactly what this man needs after last night.
You're a disgrace to gay men everywhere.
We opted you as the sacrificial dick tonight. We need our patron cafe. Go make some moves.
Me and this random chick had a conversation about how to save the world. 2 words: Dance. Battles. I love drunk heart to hearts in bar bathrooms.
When we were eating pie last night, I dropped some, and not only did you not judge me for far surpassing the 5 second rule, you let me use your foot to sock mop with. You're a good friend.
Went to work in the same clothes from last night, completely covered in glitter...I didn't choose the hag life, the hag life chose me
If I spent my amateur stripper money does that mean I am cleansed of my sins?
Let us ponder on the good times. Ya know when the Jonas brothers were incapable of growing facial hair and I didn't fully understand what a dick looks like
just pleasured myself to USA hockey beating Russia in the shoot out. god bless America.
I walked in on my sister eating my leftover burrito naked. How could my night have gotten any worse?
True life: I inadvertently fucked a whole friend group. More details to come tonight.
JUST BECAUSE I ANSWER THE DOOR NAKED CARRYING A BOTTLE OF RUM DOESN'T MEAN YOU CAN STARE NEIGHBORS.
Randomize
