he just said he'd buy the porn
its a step up from the last guy
Are you for fucking real.? He divorced me just because he got a fucking girlfriend.?!
I just woke up with streamers wrapped around me. Glitter in my hair. My fish are swimming in empty bottles of Barcardi. Helpppp
So I drew a giant robot attacking a city on the chem test. My TA colored in the fire on the burning building
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
i think he saw me take a picture of his dick
Bro I am trying to have one night stands nothing more, unless she is baking waffles I can eat out of her butthole I am not interested
You're either a hooker or Beyonce. Beyonce is abnormally good at doing everything in heels
Well I think won that argument, as the cops were leaving, they offered me a ride to the airport
Best thing she said after I kicked her out "rugby guys have single handedly ruined my faith in men"
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Someone explain why I'm twerking in my bathroom right now before a charity run
Please tell me I made it home with both shoes on
Nope
Oh dear God, they have a song about Mom...
You had sex with a guy who has a purple beard last night. No Molly for a while, ok?
Tell me why I woke up with your dads construction shirt on, nothing else, and had jelly donuts with a note from a girl named cathryn that said "we had a kinky night with peanut butter". p.s. Im by the layin by the lawnmower
he went down on me and a few minutes later he asked to show me a magic trick. then he pulled a quarter out of my vagina
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