I'm afraid that if I tell my sister I think Zachary Quinto is gay I'll have to put her on suicide watch for the next week or so
apparently i was offering everyone ambien and shouting, it's only like heath ledger if you want it to be!
I just counted my steps so I know when you start looking for you on my way back from the bathroom
You know how us drunks love counting steps
I'm so high that a hulu ad convinced me to go on healthybaby.com
The last thing i remember is saying breakfast beer and carrying the keg to my room and locking the door.
He kept trying to order 'sex on the tennis courts' for a drink last night
sleeping in bed with your booty calls married sister...you're the stuff heroes are made of.
Two dudes. Loud music. Dancing shirtless possibly naked. Why would I ever need cable?!
Yesterdays boozy weather forecast has been extended to today
He's like the unplanned child of drunkenness
I'm attracted to him because he looks like the kind of guy who would lick my asshole without me having to ask.
When I was drunk texting him about three ways he seemed more interested in just seeing me. And that's when I knew something was wrong with him
he was Irish, I had to have sex with him.
OMG LOOK AT THAT PIECE OF MAN
I haven’t trained for this.
I can handle him. I'm made of spite and hot wings.
Randomize
