You just made me feel so damn special
The waiter to-go cupped my bloody mary without me even asking. THAT hungover.
i feel like everytime i say im going to quit drinking someone comes along with a better idea about drinking
260 beers this month. I need a new hobby.
I ran a string through all of my old vicodin bottles and strung them on the tree. Tis the season.
i'm pretty sure i saw my life flash before my eyes when we ran a red light. i continued to drink and be the drunk backseat driver.
it's a "shave your legs in the cvs bathroom" kind of night
I can't even look at my running shoes. I swear I drank more in the last 2 days than the last 6 months combined
Saw you fall down on Jefferson and a cop drove by and shook his head. How you didnt get arrested after the party you went to on saturday is beyond me.
I only think it appropriate to apologize for making out with your next boyfriend. It won't happen again.
Actually it's really just going to be me drunk in your living room swinging from a pole on a tuesday morning.
i made sure not to drool on your bed by putting my hoodie on backwards and swaddling my face in the hood
Three Asian guys got on the elevator with a handle of Hennessey and a sleeping bag. This is not the start of a joke.
I swear, when I turn 21 in four months, I'm going to carry a flask around with me, and make a drinking game out of everything.
I wet willied a stranger last night didn’t I?
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