I think the only thing that impresses me are nice penises...and Jesus. Jesus would impress me. Especially if he walked on water again.
thats the last time I fuck a piece of fruit on camera for him.
Just heard "Kiss Me Though the Phone" for the first time. Amazed how it took Soulja Boy two songs to become a shitter version of Ja Rule.
been sitting in chapter for 25 minutes. drinking last night's franzia out of a XXX vitamin water 10 bottle. recruitment chair has no idea. life is good.
My spanish teacher discovered you can watch spanish music videos on youtube. Guess what were doing in class today? Michael Scott Spanish 101
It is 8 o'clock in the morning and there is already blood all over one of the stalls in the bathroom. What has your St. Patrick's day done for you?
A horse told me not to drive home last night. I think there was a cop on top of it.
Why is there blood and lettuce everywhere?
hey, its the girl who gave you a bloody nose and paid you back with a blow job. have you seen my shoes?
Oh, honey. If you're seeing a girl just for the sex, never doubt that she knows and she's doing the same thing. We're not stupid, we're just craftier than you.
That's the ultimate walk-of-shame: running away from your own apartment and hiding in a McDonald's.
She invited me to Bikini Yoga with her friends. Sounds promising.
People are talking politics and I have had 9 mimosas
I hate being the first one to text him all the time...I feel like Iook desperate to get laid when the reality is that im just really horny and he has a/c...
We met behind our asshole boss's back with the intent to oust him from the company. If this revolution is a success, bring nachoes.
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