You flung your panties at that guy you liked with an accuracy that I have never seen before.
There's some strange man with hair that keeps talking to us. I'm scared.
This is how horror movies start. Going to bar with strange hair guy. He's paying. Bad idea?
Ditched hair man. Got free cab ride to market. Want food. I win.
If i could bang her from 80ft away, I would
We just got really drunk and bought toilet paper. Successful Monday.
I walked into his room and he was naked with a half eaten pecan pie and a bottle of wine.
I swear I only do things like fuck 19 yr olds just to hear how you laugh when I tell you.
I don't think of it as I'm taking a pole dancing class...its more like I'm making myself recession proof
She's trying to feed the TV fried rice and screaming "FRIED RICE AND TEARS". Please bring me more booze.
if creating a fake 8 year old brother, who lives with me and has had mono for the past month, to explain why I have ignored my group project members is wrong, then I... well then I'm probably going to hell
I need a "closed for the season, thanks for a great summer" sign for my vagina
I forgive you, at least you vote. I found out my fuck buddy isn't even registered. I won't fuck a non respectable citizen.
You're lucky I'm tired or I'd take a pic of me mounting a reindeer yard decoration
my neighbors having band practice on sunday morning is a message from the universe that I should stop drinking
I thought it was improvement but then i realized sex isn't an emotion and I hate everyone
I told my mom I'm great in bed. That is quality mother daughter bonding.
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