"auto-tuned camel" is how i'd describe the noises she made
when I woke up she was standing in the living room with a bottle of scotch because she is "allergic to hangovers"
Funny, I didnt know that facebook statuses were for crappy song lyrics
this is the fifth day in a row i've woken up after 3 pm, hungover. I might die when snowmageddon is finally over and we have to go back to class. my liver wont know how to take it.
You graduated two years ago... You can't keep using spring break as an excuse.
she's sitting in the bathroom of SA telling people to come in for a toilet ride
I'm sorry, but the "Hobbit Slam" has to be a sex move.
I was doing karaoke to "baby got back" and apologizing for being white at the same time.
Every time I start to think he's just not worth the trouble, he puts his face down there and I wanna buy him a car
I sit across from him at graduation so I get to stare at him and think about how I fucked his step brother and laugh to myself
wait i saw you last night?
we found you ass naked on the couch covered in pillows.
And a hot pocket after we fucked. Heaven.
you thought the best thing to say to him was "you aint no fuckin cop"
Happy 20th birthday! I hope you like anxiety and having your debit card declined at McDonald's!
We met behind our asshole boss's back with the intent to oust him from the company. If this revolution is a success, bring nachoes.
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