we hotboxed my bathroom. with nine people and two dogs.
Hes flirting with her via the sauce packets at taco bell....... I have no words
We didnt even know he was in the house until he came downstairs and asked why he was wet
Contents of my pockets this morning: phone, condom, one hoop earring, half a cheeseburger, lighter and a $87 receipt from tacobell. Time for work.
I just realized that the thing that smelled like an electrical fire in my house was me.
I hate it when the guy who runs the chicken and waffles truck is convinced that I run a cult.
that is the opposite of a normal text message.
I call it a party but only because that sounds better than 8 people getting drunk around a pool.
I reek of latex and grilled onions.
Mission accomplished.
Besides. I don't even really like sex because it feels great. I like it because for thirty minutes I own that guys ass.
Remember that time you puked in a beer pong cup while someone else was playing?
that happened
Just opened up the freezer to find chocolate penis popsicles. Too hungover for this shit
I masterbated to the rocky theme song. I'm pretty sure that just beat any sex experience I've ever had.
We took vodka shots. You kept saying it was the key to your heart.
My walk of shame is starting to become positively reinforcing; I stop by Starbucks and when I leave I look someone just heading to work.
Can't talk, ducks in the car
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