I'm so fucking pissed that I wasted my shooting star wish on him and his little penis.
maybe tonight we can turn coloring into a drinking game
She just did a myspace photoshoot with her baby
I woke up next to her this morning and couldn't remember her name. Luckily, she had written it on my hand so that I could add her on facebook.
Disregard any previous text from the past 12 hours. Except for the one about scoring a strike while drunk bowling. Remember that one.
You were like pukeahontas last night, you tried to tell us you were okay, then you puked in the garden.
She ate the cookie then went to the emergency room. Now her fam is pressing charges. Don't people understand you DON'T steal baked goods from potheads??
they fed me a peach. i was laying on the floor telling them how beautiful they were
Apparently I made a stripper cry last night when I paid her $10 to go away
I learned so much about myself in that shower.
Pizza and koolaid didn't even make me feel better. This hangover means business
His brother just asked him in all seriousness if it would be cool if they became eskimo brother brothers.
starting to feel like a fuck wizard with a magical sixth sense for people fucking.
Then he asked if he could pee on me and things really went downhill
What did you spend the night in her closet?
She said she was saving me for breakfast and locked me in there
Randomize
