New channing tatum movie.
I'll bring my vibrator.
that's what penises do
they tell lies.
I plan on gettn treatment center drunk
Are you sighing at your phone and judging me right now?
Gin and redbull in a wine glass. They think I'm keeping my wits with a really yellow Chardonnay. Gonna get ugly after a couple.
There's a black statue of liberty dancing on the side of the road. Please hold while I join him.
But seriously, I hug most of my drug dealers.
You'll have to pretend I'm texting you with buddychecks.
Like the Jimeny Cricket of cockblocks.
Found my other fake eyelash. In a condom wrapper...
What we have is to special to throw away over a woman who spreads her butt cheeks on a pool table for me...
TOPLESS DRIVE THRU! I have no money and my dignity is at an all time low.
And when I feel bad about myself I go to the library and suck my pen over an open book, counting the seconds until a guy sits across from me and tries to get my attention
It's a sad day when you're not really phased by the McChicken video only because you've seen weirder porn.
The stripper started talking about murdering people....that lapdance turned dark.....
It took me twenty minutes to read that sentence.
All I said was okay...
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