before smithy murders me i need you to know 3 things. 1) i got with smithy's little sister last night. 2) i will always love you like my own brother. 3) smithy's little sis digs anal.
false alarm. still invincible.
we were holding hands throwing up into the same garbage can; if thats not true love i dont know what is .
im contemplating emailing my dad and telling him how worthless i am and how sorry i am that he pays for my life...aka my bar tabs.
i don't think my life will be extraordinarily more meaningful if i let him put his tongue in my butthole.
Gotta love hanging with Nat. By the time guys realize she isnt going home with them, they've spent enough money and time to think I'm a good idea.
I just licked the seasoning off all the doritoes in the bag. Tell me when I should stop drinking or I'll just move on to the sunchips
she passed out facedown in my lap while I was playing piano. 11 years of piano lessons finally paid for themselves.
5 am booty call.. And I went I need to gain better control of my vagina
you ate dog biscuits in front of my dogs and laughed at them for not have opposable thumbs
I vote for a trading skills night. You teach me to juggle, I'll teach you knife fighting, and we'll both learn banjo
No longer is one of my lifelong dreams to ride in a kangaroo pouch. You have eternally ruined that for me. Thank you.
I think my nap took me to another dimension
And Mike keeps telling Will that love at first sight is true and this is just a shit show. Help.
I guess I was telling girls last night that I was a virgin with terminal cancer again
Randomize
