Homeslice needs to figure out he's so 2006
Am I the only person who thinks Megan Fox looks totally like a Thai lady boy with a serious tanning bed fix?
Is it wierd that I kind of wish I could hang out with Melissa Joan Hart?
i guess that's what happens when you find your girlfriend at the zoo
dude just did a line with screech. dude is fucking creepy
You distracted them by dancing on the stripper pole, I ripped the flag off the wall, stuffed it in my pants and we were out.
I kind of drew a blank when the doctor asked me how I got super glue up my nose.
Well I'm sleeping with two of them cause they have nice cars. And the third cause she has a big rack. I'm just really waiting for it all to blow up in my face so I can find a girl I'm actually interested in
A huge penis doesn't warm the soul. Or that's what I've had to tell myself.
We had sex while watching the republican debate. I'm not sure how he maintained an erection watching Donald Trump speak.
We had a company shotgunning beers contest in the parking lot today, and I won. God bless America!
It's only 9 and these two girls are already walking around Walmart barefoot and holding their heels. WE NEED TO STEP IT UP.
What's a nice way of saying 'I wish I hadn't fucked you.'
Ladies night is a gift from god. If it weren't for that, I'd probably be selling my eggs for booze money.
THERE IS WATER LITERALLY DRIPPING OFF OF THE CHANDELIER. I OFFICIALLY HAVE THE WORLD'S WORST RAINFALL SHOWER HEAD.
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