just woke up. wallet empty. bottle empty. tattoo in pen on my arm. smell like bad sex. woke up alone. and wall-e is playing on my computer. need answers.
It's like sexual therapy. We hooked up. And now were talking about our recent breakups.
Emoooo
Okay, guy from work I want to fuck just told me he liked the font on my PowerPoint presentation. It is so on.
Make me proud, climb that corporate ladder.
he grabbed my head and said "you are a horse. I am leading you to water" pushed it down and whispered "Drink."
So I paid for the taxi using pennies and hair clips, no need to thank me.
If you value your immune system buddy, walk away from that one.
Also-when I die, I want it to be with my arms above my head so that when rigor mortis sets in, my breasts are perky.
You were talking to yourself and eating cold cuts in the kitchen when I found you
Saying I've had more balls in my mouth than you is the last clear, coherent thing I remember.
i peed in the parking lot at work not even thinking, a woman saw
I had sex with him and I blame the Doritos
I'm glad you got documented proof of my stupidity with a head full of nitrous
Hahaha and I'm glad you are doing whip its at a childrens basketball game
you had me at "meet me in the bathroom"
Like he legitimately was standing straight up, feet on the roof, not holding on to a moving car.
I pointed at him and said “there goes mr fuckwad”
Randomize
