Flying to Orlando on the 7th is cheaper than the 8th by like three margaritas.
it was like my fingers were behind enemy lines
im goin to the NYE party with a tuxedo painted on my body. i know a girl who does it. wanna join?
In the middle of blowin me she stoppped and told me how easy it would be to insert a catheter ..... Apparently she was a nursing major
Does it make me a prostitute if I accepted a Life House concert ticket for giving this guy head?
No. It just means your good at giving head.
We fucked on top of all of our English papers in celebration of the semester ending.
I can hear my parents having sex. I REPEAT. I CAN HEAR MY PARENTS HAVING SEX! THIS IS NOT A DRILL!
Your mom is 55 and has MS. To be honest, I'm proud of her, and you should be too, bitch.
Rosemary is literally sitting on the ground holding on to the rug because she thinks she is going to fall if she lets go. We smoked way too much.
I told him I was on the pill and it was OK to fire away. I want to never have to wear panty house or ever go to an office again. This is my early retirement plan. I want half of his NBA money.
Now we're discussing the sex we had and the later lack thereof. It's like marriage counseling via snapchat.
We trekked into the state forest, laid the comforter down and he proceeded to tell me that we could stay here and stargaze, turned me around and fucked me like the lion king.
You know I base where I go on the likelihood of me getting laid there. This includes work.
I guess I'm famous. Hot lesbian was WARNED about me. Still hooked up with her.
I'll pay you to teach me.
You'll be pleased to know I just had an elaborate day dream about your penis. you were there too.
Im experiencing the awkward moment after realizing two of my straight female friends have had sex with each other
Randomize
