oh God, I have a dick of a middle schooler
**i WaNt TO sLaP mY niECe wHO ThINks iT iS cUte tO WriTE LiKE tHiS**
jack dropped his pants and said "bet u've never seen a dick this big." which was really sad cuz i had never actually seen one that small...you have like pinch it between ur thumb and pointer finger to give a HJ
he said he doesnt sext because the government can tap that kind of shit too. no boobie pics for him.
Apparently shes in the bathroom puking but eating a pot roast she found in the fridge at the same time.
If I can't get a one-legged man to love me, what the hell chance do I have with a NORMAL guy???
She threw up in my garbage can last night and walked home with it this morning so she could clean it out...
She is dropping it off on the way to the bar at 7.
this morning i checked my reflection in the toilet as i was throwing up to make sure i still had my pearl earrings on
you're the only person I know who would bring a water bottle of screwdriver to a wedding, and toast with it during the speech
They wouldn't let me go to sleep at the police station while I was waiting to bail u out. YOU OWE ME
My roommate definitely just walked in on me playing the piano naked.
By piano you mean.....
Like literally a piano.
Ohhhh that's kind of embarrassing.
I'm serious-it was like trying to deep-throat a minivan.
I'm currently on an epic search all over the city for a drug store that isn't sold out of Plan B. I celebrated your birthday from afar.
i wish i could say that was the first 40 year old woman from the circus I nailed
From now on I'd like to be known as Rampage.
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