Tell your broad to take a big shot of 'chill the fuck out' and put it on my tab.
i just woke up naked on my porch, holding the neighbors cat in my arms.
I just masturbated mid-day, thinking of you
I think that is one of the most romantic things I have ever heard from a fuck buddy on v-day, there is a strong possibility that you will soon be my girlfriend.
as we were stuffing their 24 of beer into our bags you kept saying you wanted cheese strings. closest things we found were kraft singles. as the guys came up the stairs you kept screaming 'GET THE CHEESE! GET THE CHEESE!'
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Its official. Girls from Indiana do not give rim jobs.
Weekday college schedule so far: get high as tits. Watch Family Guy marathons. Repeat.
I just don't do feelings in the summer months.
Cover your phone. Photos of streaking frat guys incoming.
you take my contact solution?
drank it last night then filled it with brandy for the plane ride.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Ooo, yeah! Thanksgiving will be a blast. Can't fuckin wait for the next round of "have you found a nice young man yet?" Followed by a lovely helping of "don't worry, there's someone out there for you."
I texted him a series of texts in which the first letters of each text spelled out "WE SHOULD HAVE SEX". If that's not dedication to the dick, I don't know what is
There's tequila in my general area. Please pray for me.
The ride home was alright, we hooked up in the street next to his car after he smashed into the guard rail
My walk of shame is starting to become positively reinforcing; I stop by Starbucks and when I leave I look someone just heading to work.
I told the border patrol officer she was smuggling drugs in her ass. I doubt she cheats on me again.
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