do you remember how we all fit in that bathtub?
tequila
his internet history is a lot of porn, how to make a hovercraft and side-effects of jacking off too much
I'm doing a half mile walk of shame carrying a trash bag and still very drunk. Save me. I feel like a refugee.
Down at cameli's and some homeless dude just pulled out a taser. Awesome.
My roommate has every episode of Full House. I'm going to fail my midterm tomorrow.
Ya know, years from now when that kid is old enough, I'll get to regale him with the story of how I was his father's AND uncle's first gay experience.
why do the even put the "Please drink responsibly" on tequila ads? like has anything responsible ever come from tequlia. No. never.
look what he's done to me, i actually want to be a stripper now.
After he told me that it's up to him to carry on his family name, I almost felt bad for not letting him cum inside me.
Um. That's my cat Laura. You put my cat in your mouth, and then you put my cat in your purse.
Yeahhh, everybody is so helpful when a pretty girl is crying hysterically and has only one shoe and a six pack.
I had to hose off vomit off my driveway at 9 am.....so hot
I just want to hook up with Ed Sheeran. Why does it have to be so difficult?
It feels weird going to sleep without hugging the toilet goodnight
I literally blew him under my face mask. Not because I thought it'd protect me from COVID, but because I wanted to prove to myself that I could.
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