Whyyyyy do my fingers smell like Chinese food.
We were in the backseat and he was giggling uncontrolably. It felt like I was giving head to a 10 year old girl.
Does getting a boner while watching the celtic women sing opera on ETV make me cultured?
Is it appropriate to get drunk, stand up at the wedding and make a toast to "the time the lovely bride asked me to come on her chest"?
our generation is not ready to get married
You should really come over right now. There's hot construction workers across the street. I'm gonna go pour beer on myself in a bikini on the sidewalk. See you in 5?
Now that world cup is done, funneling out of a vuvuzela has lost its fun
I've been living off of popsicles and broth.
Well I'm currently debating between getting toilet paper or getting my eyebrows waxed so... There's that
The cop that got shot in the dick is here, let the entertainment begin.
She wouldn't eat a clam- if you blow a line pregnant you can eat a clam
Nothing like sunday church bells to aid your walk to the pharmacy to get plan b
This kid wants me to stop partying. Like I have only known you for 5 days. Chill.
I threw up in the middle of a bar last night and still managed to get laid! Happy thanksgiving!
Watching Colbert Report and porn at the same time.
So you realized he wasn't actually cheating on you and now you're trying to unfuck things. Or in this case unfuck Tom.
Randomize
