perhaps when you are drinking red wine from a tall glass with a straw it is time to call it a night.
you shoved the noah's ark of animal crakers in your mouth saturday.
Trying to find something to do here is like trying to find a vegan resturant in alabama.
Plus apparently whenever one of her friends loses their virginity they get a party with a funfetti cake which I found funny
it's been like two and a half months. And I swear, I keep seeing walking dicks. I think I'm going crazy cause of lack of sex..
Are you dead or are you taking another 13 hour nap? you need to let me know these things ahead of time so i dont worry.
Dude you make losing your phone an art. You left it balancing on a two liter bottle in the kitchen. Wtf
I would be the drunk girl eating cake on the front steps alone.
Like if there was an award for best way to take a girls virginity, he would get a standing ovation. And first prize. Probably a bunch of roses too. That good.
No fucking judgements. You know me. Chinese food vent sessions are safe places.
I told her shower beers are even better when you have someone in there with you and she said she's been looking for a new drinking buddy. It's a goooooo
I was just hotboxing under my sheets and I got lost on the way out.
It was so scary.
He said he loved me more than Kel loves orange soda
the result of growing up in the '90's
G&T. Gin and tonic. GIN AND TONIC. GIN AND TONIC AND FUCKING LIME
We need to stop calling him that. I definitely said “Fuck me harder Swizzle Dick“ while we were doing it and it got weird
He should appreciate that I recommend that corkscrew cock of his! I’m getting him laid
Randomize
