need another drink. this is the easiest way
I love that she's always that person who people think it's a good idea to invite her to something. and then she's there and you realize, "nope."
My student's should feel privledged to see me tuesday after the amount of alcohol I consumed this weekend.
I dont even clean my room anymore .. i drunk proof it for when i come back smashed with a guy
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
You've picked up chicks by quoting metal bands
When they're drunk they believe it's Shakespeare...enjoy the simple things
Your therapist is not going to think that you using your vagina as revenge is okay
The police scanner is talking about you again....
He is gay. There is no bi when you have a manhunt AND you are an art major. That's like a unicorn without a horn, it just isn't possible.
Do I really need this much space in my mouth?
Are you already high?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Dude, we tried to feed you but you just started sobbing and ran away
he said "be careful" then handed me a cheezit...
I'm using the Malibu pitcher you stole from the bar to make pancakes this morning. It's actually working really well.
I think we ended 5-7 relationships as well this weekend...so another good stat
I have like three friends I don't have sex with, what did you expect
Today's forecast: 90% chance of bad decisions, good stories, solid new dick and artichoke pizza
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